Protect Her
by janya.wrote.nightrose
Summary: Quil loves Claire more than can be imagined- enough to, when her parents divorce, let her go. What will he do when he finds out what has been happening to the one he was born to protect? He WILL save her, no matter what. Full series on TwilightArchives.
1. Chapter 1

For me, it began much later. But she is so much more important. For my Claire, it began the day her parents came to get her after that first weekend at Emily's. The day I had to tell them… She is so much more important, so I'll begin there.

I was tickling Claire when the fateful doorbell rang. That perfect little smile… I would kill or die for that smile and count myself lucky. Claire couldn't talk very well, being only three, but she managed to stutter out a haughty command between giggles.

"Thtop it, Kwiw! Thtop!"

The way she mispronounced my name was so adorable. It made me want to scoop her into my arms and…

Three, Quil. She just turned three. Patience.

I obeyed, and to my delight, her giggles continued. It was the only sound in my world.

Emily interrupted my bliss. "Lina, Jack, this is Quil Ateara… a friend of Sam and mine."

I looked at the two strangers. I presumed they were my Claire's parents. Lina looked a deal like Emily, where Jack was tall, thin, and commanding.

I had a very unpleasant conversation ahead of me.

"Sam, I need you!" Emily called. He sprinted in just as I would had my Claire called.

Sam looked into my eyes, as though he was reading my mind. Which I don't think he could do… at least not in this form. He was asking if I was ready for this. I nodded ever so slightly, and my chief tilted his head sarcastically to the side. He could tell I was lying.

All five of us sat, and I began talking. "All right. I have no clue how to say this, so I'm just going to put it straight out. I'm a werewolf."

Lina laughed. Mr. Denson merely looked scornful.

"So am I," Sam added.

"That's how I got the scars. I wasn't mauled by a bear."

"You were mauled by a monster," Sam whispered, looking at his knees. Emily scoffed. I saw the regretful horror in Sam's eyes, but Emily chose to ignore it.

"Sam, self-loathing is unattractive."

"Anyway, one of two things is going to happen. You'll believe me, and then we'll move on to the (unlikely enough) even more impossible part of this conversation. Or I'll get pissed off enough that I'll phase right here which will be hazardous to your health and mess up the furniture."

"AT LEAST GO OUTSIDE!" Emily hollered.

"I'll need to see it to believe it," Lina said, and John nodded stiffly once.

I summoned the rage that lay so narrowly beneath my skin. It was still stronger because of Claire. What if someone hurt her? Or if she broke a toy she liked… or if I couldn't see her… or if someone was mean to her?

Before I knew it, I was trembling. And I felt the change.

Oops. I'd forgotten to take my clothes off… again. Good thing I'd removed my shoes.

I heard Sam's voice after a second. "They get it, Quil. Phase back before you mess up my living room."

I obeyed.

The two humans looked staggered. I realized that, in addition to having just turned into a big brown wolf in front of them, I was also naked. Sam sighed and passed me the blanket we kept nearby for just these occasions. It was bright pink. Sam thought it would help us learn control. Usually it was Paul who had the hideous fluorescent thing on him, but I wore it this time.

"Why… what… ummm…"

Obviously, Mrs. Denson didn't even know what to ask first.

"There are ten of us. All huge wolves, different colors. Sam, for instance, is black. All born to protect the people… from vampires. But you've heard the legends, Mrs. Denson. We phase when we're angry. And we imprint."

Before the obvious question could be asked, Sam explained. "I imprinted on Emily. Imprinting means… it's something we do. When you see her, nothing else matters. Only her. You'd do anything, be anything, for her."

I took a deep breath.

"I imprinted on Claire."

John looked furious. The man would make a good werewolf. Except for his cool distance. I didn't like him at all. I wasn't sure I wanted him anywhere near Claire.

Lina looked disgusted. "Are you some kind of pedophile?"

Don't get angry. Don't get angry…

"No. It's not like that. Not at all. I would never, could never, do anything that is not completely, totally, utterly in her best interest. She will be safest when she is with me. I will protect her with my life. That's what I'm for, ma'am. To protect her and help her and do anything she wants me to. Someday, maybe, we'll be more than friends. But that will always be her choice. I will never hurt her in the way you're suggesting… or any other. And I will never allow anyone else to hurt her. She is the most important thing to me. Always. She is my reason for existing. I will watch her more carefully than anyone else could. I adore her… and it's not about me. It's about her. She is what matters. I need to be near her because I need to keep her safe."

The thin man stood. "No. I'm not letting some mutant teenage wackjob psychopath pervert near my daughter. She's two years old, you pervert!"

Control. Control…

"What do you mean, someday?" Lina asked, utterly unaffected by her husband's ridiculous show of temper.

"Well, we don't age. Not until we stop phasing. So I'll wait for Claire to grow up, and be hers if she'll have me. When she's a woman. Until then, I'll be anything she needs. Her friend, her protector, her brother. Anything. And to me, she'll be the whole world."

"I think I understand. You'll want to see her?"

"Every minute of every day. But I understand, if you insist I don't. I need to be near her, at least some of the time. Maybe… four hours a day?"

The woman spluttered. "Four hours a _week_. You're in love with my two-year-old. That's pretty disturbing."

"I'm not in love with her. I love her. Neither of you quite seems to understand… I don't _want_ to have a romantic relationship with a toddler. That would be strange. But I love her. I want to do anything she wants me to."

"Fine. One hour a day."

"Two?"

"Okay. Two hours a day."

Haggling. How ridiculous. Sam glanced at me, seeming to know my mind. It was ludicrous. This is so _important._

Mr. Denson stood. "He is not going NEAR her. That's it. You're going to let him spend time with her? What's he going to do with her? She's a baby."

"Play with her. Make her smile. Teach her. Feed her. Put her to bed and watch her sleep. I don't care. I just want to be near her."

"No. This is not happening. I refuse."

"Don't be silly, Jack. I need another hand around the house anyway."

"Hire a maid."

"When this boy will do a better job? He's not going to hurt her. I believe him. We can trust him."

"Yes, you can," Sam offered. "He would never do anything to betray a trust. Besides… he's in my pack. And he can't disobey an order. Quil, you are not to attempt to pursue any romantic or sexual relationship with Claire until she is fifteen."

"Yes sir."

"FIFTEEN!"

"I'm barely sixteen, sir. And I'm not getting any older."

He spluttered helplessly, then returned silently to his seat.


	2. Chapter 2

**You need to review. Seriously. This is NOT encouraging. I won't post here if no one reviews, really I won't.**

Mr. Denson forbade me from entering the house. This was not a big problem, as I could just visit during his frequent jaunts out of town. His wife was more than happy to have my help, since Claire's sister was a handful and a half.

I gathered that Jack had not been the best husband of late. I hoped they would figure things out. I didn't want my Claire growing up without a father.

I had become something of a confidante to Lina Denson. I spent as much time as possible in her house doing menial labor and whatever else she asked, so it was only natural I should eventually weasel some gossip out of her—not that I would betray her confidences (could hurt Claire.)

That's how I viewed everything, in terms of how it would affect Claire. She wasn't the most important thing in my world. She was the world. Everyone else was just too dumb to realize it.

Anyway, Claire was upstairs taking a bath, one of the few activities I was not allowed to assist with (though I swear I wouldn't try anything funny! She's only two!), and I was worrying and chopping onions. What if she drowned? Or got soap in her eyes? Or hit her head against the back of the tub, got soap in her eyes, concussed, and THEN drowned? I did not trust a five year old with helping my Claire somewhere as dangerous as a bathtub.

I realized how ridiculous that sounded, really I did, but I couldn't help it! Life is so dangerous for her. Angels are delicate.

I chopped harder and was utterly engrossed in doing this as quickly as possible so I could go check on Claire. I didn't even notice Lina was on the phone until I heard her tears. She did sound a lot like Claire, though Claire's every action was unmistakable. There was enough resemblance that I stopped what I was doing.

"What's wrong?"

She threw the phone to the floor. "Jack. He wants a divorce."

Claire couldn't grow up with just one parent! It wouldn't be right! "I'm so sorry."

Now her eyes were full of guilt. "And he wants Claire. He says she's not safe here with me… with you. And if he doesn't get what he wants… Jack always gets… I… I can't possibly support both my girls, Quil. Not on my own. And he'll sue… he's got a good lawyer. It'll… it's… he'll take them both away… and never… I'll never… see them again… Quil, I told him I'd sign the papers."

I understood. But I pretended ignorance, hoping it would forestall the horror. "What papers?"

"A custody agreement, no lawyers, no courtrooms. He takes Claire, I take Sarah, I get both when he's out on business. He doesn't have to do this. It's better than I'd get if it went to court. I'd never see my children again. Quil, I'm sorry."

I don't care about her. I don't care about him. I care about Claire and that is all and I can't _can't can't **can't CAN'T **_ do this. Can't.

"I'm going to go say good-bye to Claire. Excuse me."

I walked upstairs. She was bright pink, freshly scrubbed, grinning _my_ smile, laughing. "Hi, Kwiw!"

"Claire…"

She surveyed me with the serious eyes of a two-year-old. Babies see everything. And I was hers. Imprinting isn't all one way. "What's wong, Kwiw?"

"I… your mommy should tell you this, but I want you to know, sweetie. You have to go stay with your daddy, and you know I'm not allowed to see you when Daddy's around."

"But… but fo' how _wong,_ Kwiw?"

"For a long time."

"But I wuv you!"

My heart twisted and bent and burst. I caressed her face, brushing her soft cheek with one finger and groaning as she smiled a hopeful tiny smile. "I love you, too. More than you can understand, possibly know, anything. But I can't. God, Claire, I promise. As soon as I can, I will come see you." Maybe when her father's out of town. Yeah. That will work.

"I don't want you to! WANT YOU TO STAY!"

She was working up to a tantrum, so I scooped her up and cradled her against my chest, where she immediately calmed. "I love you, Claire, and I swear I will be back. Someday one day everyday. You are my world, sweetie, you know that? I love you. Good-bye."

"Bye-bye, Kwiw."

I set her down gently, leaving a burning kiss on her forehead as I ran into the lonely pain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Maybe this will get some reviews... I don't have any reviews, not one, for the whole story! That makes me want to CRY. Hopefully this chapter will get SOMETHING. ANYTHING.**

Claire, Claire. Oh, Claire. I love you, Claire. Please Claire. I love you. Claire. Claire. Claire. Claire.

_Will you SHUT UP,_ Embry thought, quite rudely.

_Cut him a break. You don't know what it's like. Kim… _Jared retorted.

_At least we get to see them. Poor Quil…_ Sam replied with unusual sympathy.

I groaned and phased. The voices. ALL THE VOICES. THEY CAN'T SHUT UP!!

The voices in my head are annoying.

I don't want to talk to them.

I want to sit here and think about her.

My clothes are hidden under a stump, but I have a feeling I'll need to phase again soon. So I just sit, naked, and wait.

And think about how much I adore her. Claire. Claire. CLAIRE.

Sam pops out of the bushes, in human form. "Put clothes on."

"Yessir."

"Actually, don't."

"Yessir." I hate it when Sam does the Alpha thing. It's very irritating. After all, we're brothers as much as his subordinates.

"Quil, look. I know you worry about her… I would too, in your shoes. And it's driving us nuts. I for one find it quite irritating to be constantly obsessing over my five year old niece."

"Nine. She's nine." It's been five years…

"Exactly. It's not fair to you, or us. Just cause her father's a jerk doesn't mean we should all have to suffer. Thus… as Pack Leader I hereby order you to go visit her so you can stop obsessing. Off. Go."

Did I say Sam annoyed me? I meant I loved him. He's the best. And his tendency to totally control other people's lives… gotta love it. Nothing like that…

"THANK YOU."

He smiled tautly. I ran off, phasing before my first footfall struck the ground.

The faster I run, the faster I can see her face after all these years…

I think I set the new world record.

It is only a minute later I am forty miles away, outside her school. The longest minute ever…

I do not even try to deal with her father. He has refused crudely and cruelly again and again. So I just march into the office and lift a badge. _Authorized Visitor._ I scribble my name on it and stride, trying to look like I know what I'm doing, into the hall labeled Fourth Grade.

I questioned every teacher. One, a slight woman with fat spectacles, finally knows. "Claire? Why?"

"I'm a friend of her mother's. Lina is worried… it's been years since Jack brought Claire for a visit. And Jack wouldn't let me in the house."

The woman sighed. "This is so illegal, but… Claire? Claire, honey, someone's here to see you?"

She came running.

She did not look good… she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, but she did not look good.

Rail-thin, bones poking out under her perfect, smooth russet skin, she couldn't have weighed more than sixty pounds. Her big dark eyes were downcast and a bruise stained one cheek a sickly yellow. I bit back the fury… I could not phase in front of her. I could not hurt her. Claire could not be hurt.

She had been, though. I had to make sure it never happened again.

I clenched my hands. She would not be hurt again.

The teacher saw my stress and Claire's terror. "Honey, you go on back to class."

She ran off without one look at me. I could barely control my voice, and it came out as a terse whisper. "Who did that to her?"

"We think it's her father."

"Why the _hell_ hasn't anyone stopped it?"

She looked straight at me. "You're a young man, and you obviously care about her. So this might be difficult to understand. Jack Denson is a rich man—he wallows in money like a pig wallows in mud. We've raised charges, but the people they send don't understand that every time he slips them a couple hundred not to look too hard, that little girl is getting hurt again."

Money. They were letting her be hurt. For money!! "I'm going to withdraw her from school. She's not going back to his house."

She paused, then nodded. "Good luck, young man. You've got an uphill battle, with him and her. He's whipped her heart half out."

I didn't believe that was possible. And I would do anything to heal her. If it took a million years, I would make her safe, and then I would make her happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, this is the REALLY depressing chapter. If this can't provoke a few reviews, YOU HAVE NO SOULS. That's all.**

I forged her father's signature on withdrawal papers right outside the school. Claire was no longer enrolled here… she'll go to school in La Push. Where that monster can't hurt her. I ran to his house and knocked the door down.

I was not in a waiting mood.

He is watching television on the couch. I look at the screen and look away.

Eww. Even for someone who lives in the head of eight other men, that was gross. Really, really gross.

Like I needed one more reason to loathe this guy. Like he wasn't hurting the only thing that had ever mattered to me. "You. Over here."

He stood and stared at me, or rather glared. "What are you doing in my house?"

I ignored him utterly. "You hurt her. You took her away from me so you could hit her. You hurt her."

"She's not yours."

"She was meant for me!"

"She's mine. My daughter."

"She's no one's possession, you monster. She's a person. You have no right to hurt her. Neither do I—Not that I ever would, ever could! I know what she's worth… MONSTER."

He smiled. This was not in any way amusing.

"You think it's funny I'm calling you a monster. One of us in this room turns into a big wolf on occasion. The other one hurts innocent children. I think I know who the monster is."

"No. That's not why I'm smiling."

"Why then?"

"Guess."

"You're evil?"

He considered this. "Perhaps. But mostly because there's nothing you can do. You see, I have her. Until she's eighteen. And besides that… do you really think an unemployed kid can stop me from getting what I want?"

"You can't stop me if you're dead. Which, believe you me, I am more than capable of facilitating, right here, right now. But I don't think I will. I think I'd rather not subject Claire to that. What you will do is never, ever, come after her. Contact her, talk to her, look at her, think about her, or God forbid touch her. If you do, I will kill you. As slowly as I can. Is that understood?"

He laughed. "I understand. You are in for trouble, boy. I will take everything you own."

I felt cold boiling rage run down my spine. "You think money is going to stop me? Money? There is always more money. Claire is a _person._ Not something that can be bought and sold. I will not let you hurt her. No matter what you do."

"Ah, but I have. Fine. Take her. I wish you luck. Because you'll need it… I've heard it can be very traumatizing for a child."

"What, being abused by the evilest creep alive?"

"Yes. Besides, I've succeeded anyway. I had my chance with her… she's getting a bit old anyway."

It took a second. A very long second. And then I realized what he meant, partly from his words, partly from the wavering image on the screen, and partly from that look in Claire's eyes.

"You… hurt… Claire…"

He smiled. God, I hate that smile!

"I'm going to hurt you. You do realize that's the stupidest thing you've ever done? I'm going to kill you. You hurt Claire."

And he smiled.

Until I phased.

Then he did not smile.

He screamed.

It rang like music in my ears.


	5. Chapter 5

**I will not update until someone reviews. That's all.**

I picked Claire up hours later, wearing her father's clothes. I had just finished an internal debate over what would scare her more, _his_ stuff or the bloodstains.

I went with removing the gore, but doubted my decision when I saw her shudder.

"Hey, Claire."

"Hi." Her gaze was directed at my shoes. I so wanted to see her face.

"Do you remember me?" I didn't expect it.

"Yeah. Quil. From before…"

"Yep. That's me. Quil from before. And you're Claire. And I'm coming to take you to your mom's or maybe Aunt Emily's… up to you."

"I haven't seen them in ages. I'm not allowed… Daddy'll be angry."

I could only imagine what he did to her when he was angry… and forced back the invisionment. I could not afford to phase in front of her.

"Honey, I'm not going to let him hurt you. That's why you're coming with me… so your daddy can't hurt you anymore. All right?"

"How do you know?" It is little more than a whisper.

"I talked to him… he said that he had. And that made _me_ angry. I don't want to see you get hurt. You might not remember, but I love you very, very much, Claire. I want you to come with me so you'll be safe."

"Daddy said… he said not to trust you… that you wanted, wanted to…"

She blushed.

"Oh, sweetie, no. He's lying. I'd never do anything to hurt you. All right? You don't have to stay with me. You can live with your mom, or your aunt."

She looked into my eyes, finally, completing my soul. "Aunt Emily. I don't want Mommy… she never came."

Neither did I. My eyes filled with _tears_. Tears. I was weeping. Like a child. But Claire was hurt, after all. If anything deserved tears, it was her sorrow.

"I'm sorry. You need to get anything?"

"No. I don't want his stuff. I want to start over."

That sent shudders down my back. "I'll do my best to help."

The ride was long and silent, winding through the green bowers. Claire did not speak, and I did not engage her. She simply stared pensive out the window.

The bruised side of her face was facing me…

We disembarked to find Sam waiting for us. "What the HELL, Quil! I told you! VISIT means VISIT, not KIDNAP."

I didn't answer him… arguing with Sam was never worthwhile. "Claire, honey, can you show him that bruise?"

She stepped shyly forward, turned her yellowed cheek, and dashed back behind me. I tried not to think about how close she was to me.

"Sam, he was hurting her. Hitting her. And… and… I can't even say it, but I can see in your face you know what I mean. What do you want me to do?"

"Anything else."

"Sam. What if it was Emily?"

That was below the belt and I knew it.

"What if she was being beaten up by someone? Helpless, because you weren't helping her? Unprotected, because you weren't protecting her? What if someone was _raping _her? And she isn't even an innocent baby. Don't tell me you wouldn't have done exactly what I did."

"You killed Jack?"

"Yes."

Claire whimpered… in relief or grief, I am unsure.

"Good. And I'm sorry."

"So am I."

Claire trailed me into Emily's house.


	6. Chapter 6

**One review per chapter. ClydeX rocks my socks.**

She asked me to come with her to the office- I don't deserve it, but she wants me there, and I am there. I held her hand as she walked into the lobby, visibly terrified. I stepped outside as she changed into a gown, but returned as the doctor did. I am not leaving her alone, especially not with a leech, especially not after what happened.

"All right, I need you to step over here so I can get an x-ray."

She did not cower or ask if it would hurt. So brave.

She had two broken ribs.

"Impressive control, pup. I am surprised you do not phase here and hurt her."

"I would never, NEVER, hurt her. Nor will I allow anyone to hurt her."

The leech smiles. "You love her."

"Yes."

She whimpers, and I realize she has taken my words amiss. I comfort her silently by, against all instinct, not going to her, not touching her. Her answering smile is all the reward I need.

"Very well. I'll need to see those ribs. Come back in two weeks… I want to make sure they're healing properly."

"Whatever you need, Dr. Cullen," I said. Being a smart-butt would not help save Claire.

"He must have hit her very hard for that much to happen… or else he might have thrown her down the stairs."

"I fell down the stairs," Claire said, very quietly.

"Okay. Thanks, sweetie." I wasn't going to argue with her about who had been the origin of the flight.

"All right, I'll need to keep an eye in it… most of the bruises look like they're from slaps or punches. Claire, if you want to talk about that, it would be very helpful."

His voice was very gentle, and if he was not a leech, I would have liked him. He was good to my poor frightened Claire.

"Sorry…" she whimpered, cowering like she expected a blow.

"I suggest a therapist? Abuse can be very traumatizing."

"It's up to Claire." I don't like the idea of having her pouring her heart out to some stranger, but I leave that choice to her.

"I don't want to."

I was almost getting used to the tremor in her voice, her quiet quiet tone, the way her tone trembled. I almost could.

This is what he'd done to her.

It was not something anyone capable of loving could watch without loathing.

And for me? Need you ask how much worse it is for me?

She was the only one I could love.

How could I be asked to tolerate it?

Well, I wouldn't. but I would stay, if Claire wanted it of me… because she was Claire, and I adored her with all the fire of my soul. I would do anything for her. I was the only one who could save her.

I was the only one.

I would get her through this.

I would heal all the damage a monster can do to a child's trusting soul.

I would gain her trust and by God I would keep it.

This was what my life would be for.


	7. Chapter 7

**One review per chapter. ClydeX rocks my socks. So does OperationDuctTape. It's people like you two that stop me from despairing in humanity and pulling a Bella. REVIEW!Claire's first day of school.  
**

I literally bit my nails the entire time between drop-off and pick up, until Sam sent me on patrol.

And smacked me, but that's too embarrassing to recount.

When she was in the car on the way home, I was so relieved. She seemed happy almost. Bright. Not like anyone had been mean to her. That was good… I didn't feel very bad about the murder of one Jack Denson, but I drew the line at killing nine-year-old bullies.

"Hi, sweetheart."

We were in the house now…

She looked up at me. "Why do you call me that?"

"Do you mind? I'm sorry." I hoped it wasn't making her uncomfortable… or, God forbid, reminding her of _him._

"No… I was just curious."

Claire knew I was a werewolf—_he_ had told her, about all of us, and she had believed. She did not know what imprinting was… I didn't want to scare her.

I didn't want her to fear me. But perhaps it was time.

"You know what I am? A wolf, right?"

"Yeah."

Amazing, with all her fears, how little it fazed her. "Well, we're different than most people in lots of ways. Not just transforming… we can read each other's minds when we're in wolf form. And we imprint on people…"

I held my breath. What if he had told her some lie about imprinting, about me?

She did not cower, so I continued. "Imprinting is how we find the person who's more important than anyone else in the world. When you were two years old, I saw you for the first time and imprinted on you."

Her eyes opened wider and she ran.

Great.

I didn't, _couldn't _follow. I couldn't scare her like that. So I waited. Eventually, she would come back.

It was the longest ten minutes of my life.

I couldn't go after her. Couldn't. Couldn't. Don't. Don't think about the fear that you'll never see her again, that you'll never gain her forgiveness, that she'll hate you and fear you.

Too late.

She tiptoes in the door and flinched when she saw me. As she turned, I called out, "Wait. Claire? Just a few minutes. You stay right there and I'll stay right here. I promise I won't hurt you, all right? I just want you to let me explain. This isn't what you think."

"Okay."

She seemed to trust me. I choked back a rippling sob.

"There are other ways to love people than what he taught you, Claire. I would never want to hurt you in any way. That's what love really is. I want to protect you. You are always safe with me. I would never do anything you don't want me to."

"Promise?"

"Pinky swear."

She laughed like the sun smiling.

I laughed too, and she walked to me, taking my hand in hers. "I love you, Quil. I think you saved my life. I could never have gone on with him. I love you like…"

"Like you should have had a father to love?"

She nodded.

"I will be that for you, Claire. I will be everything you need. I swear."

She sobbed once, and buried her face in my shoulder, weeping, weeping.


	8. Chapter 8

**Dude. People. REVIEW.**

I sent her off to school with my customary, "Love you."

She returned it for the first time. That made me happier than I can possibly express. I wish I could hear those words every instant of every day.

I love you, Claire, I love you I love you love you. You. You and only you I love.

The day was long, but I filled it up with minute tasks—making everything perfect for her. Emily helped, of course, since I'm a guy and by definition have no taste. And I wanted everything beautiful for this day—for her.

Always for her.

I was adjusting the cake's position when five out-of-breath pre-teens run through the door.

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

They come out in rapid succession, like the rounds of a machine gun. I smiled at these girls, my Claire's friends. They don't know what has happened to her, but that only makes them better in my eyes. Claire was shy. Traumatized. That they are kind enough to befriend her despite that makes me warm to them immediately.

"We beat her, right? We had to run all the way from school."

Claire had started walking home with a few of these girls, as I lived right near the elementary school (La Push just isn't that big. Everyone lives right near everything else.) One of them had stayed behind to make excuses for the others and bring her here. I was not letting her wander the streets alone.

The rest had sprinted, leaving early—the teachers, unlike the friends, knew, and it wasn't hard to convince them to let a few girls out a little early—to my house.

A surprise. The surprises in Claire's couldn't have been too good so far. I would make better memories for her.

"You beat her."

Claire's escort, a girl named Tina, selected for the task by me because she was a year older and a foot taller, had explicit instructions to walk as slowly as possible.

"Great."

They scattered themselves throughout various furnishings to wait. The doorbell rang not long after.

"SURPRISE!"

Claire gasped and then laughed.

Her friends surrounded her, hugging, and I picked them all up and swung them around. The laughter swells.

All the girls sat down. Their conversation was too fast for me to understand or even try to. I just listened to the sound of Claire's happiness. I would give anything to make every day this beautiful for her.

I loved her smile, her voice, her face.

Subtly, I stared at her, and she noticed my adoring gaze.

I shrunk back, fearing that I'd scared her.

She laughed louder.

I smiled at her.

She smiled back.

Happiness was this simple. I loved it. I loved her. Very, very, very much.

Everything in my life was around this.

To make her smile.

That was why I lived.

Safe and happy…

Right here.

I loved her with everything in me. I loved her, loved her, loved her.

Claire.

She laughed again, and I laughed too.

I was glad to see the brightness within her still burnt. She was still capable of joy, and that gave me hope for her to return my love.

Happiness of hers was my every pleasure, after all, but I wanted to love her in every way.


	9. Chapter 9

**Dude. People. REVIEW.**

Carlisle wanted to see her one last time, just to make sure everything was going well. I took her willingly enough to his office. Not exactly happy to bring my love to a leech's presence, but anything that could make it up to her, even a little, I would do with a smile on my face.

"Well, Ms. Denson, your arm has healed up nicely."

I could have killed him there from the horror on her face.

"Don't call her that! It scares her!"

His eyes widened in surprise, and sudden horror. "Oh. I'm terribly sorry, Claire… Ms. Young?"

He tactfully granted her the maiden name of her mother. I almost believed that he wasn't evil, that he really was sorry. Not quite, but almost.

Okay, he's my natural nemesis! I'd be grateful, but I _evolved_ to hate him. So the best bedside manner in the world doesn't really stand a chance against that.

"I believe you are free from any physical damage caused by the abuse. I cannot do anything about psychological trauma… I've never studied psychology. But I do wish the both of you best luck. Good-bye."

And our land was safe from these leeches at last…

But it was the idea of _damage_ to Claire that stuck with me more than that idea that truly should have comforted me.

Damage… like a fragile vase?

But she was fragile, weak, young… helpless. And I was supposed to have helped her! I had failed, failed myself, failed her!

"Quil, what's wrong?"

Her voice was modicums stronger than when I'd first found her, but only a little bit.

"I'm sorry," I said. Sorry for everything! So sorry! I don't deserve you.

"You look sad. Don't be sad."

"Oh, sweetheart. I just feel so bad. I left you for so long there, didn't come looking for you. Didn't help you, when such terrible, terrible things were happening. I would have done anything, anything, Claire, to save you that."

Her eyes bore into mine, and I felt my head go woozy… at the deep, soul-searching stare of a prepubescent girl.

"It's not your fault. Not any more than it is mine."

"WHAT! Oh, honey, you are never, never, never, to believe that anything he did to you was your fault!"

"I didn't say I did. I just said it's not any more your fault than it is mine. It's _his _fault, Quil. Not mine and certainly not yours. You're the one who saved me… the one who loves me. I don't want you to feel bad, Quil."

The way she stared at me sent shudders through my soul. I returned the look with a weak smile.

I could not be forgiven. I was unforgivable. But my Claire did not hate me for my failure. She did not blame me.

I could not argue her ferociously clear logic.

Nor could I remove the guilt. I knew only that she didn't want me to feel bad.

And anything she wanted was hers. I would give her my happiness.

"I don't feel bad."

"Liar." She laughed. A joke. And suddenly, I wasn't a liar anymore.

She was happy. And so was I. And that was really all that mattered.


	10. Chapter 10

**As some lovely reviewers said, I don't have nearly enough of them! Reviewers are beautiful, brilliant, and caring. Would you like to be one of them? All you have to do is tell me what you think of this story. P.S... some time passes. On the other site, it becomes Love Her here.**

She was a woman now. Sixteen years old, not a frightened mouse of a girl. Tall and beautiful. Beyond beautiful. I was not the only one enamored of my Claire.

I was, however, the only male she would speak to, aside from the occasional teacher—and then only under duress. I was the only one she trusted.

In the six wonderful years Claire had lived with me, I had worked hard to regain that trust. Although she might protest that the things that happened to her… the things I allowed to be done to her… when she was a little girl weren't my fault, I couldn't stem the guilt. She was afraid and hurt because of something I could have prevented.

At least I didn't have to fight the urge to kill her boyfriends. She'd never had one. I allowed my bulk to silently threaten any friends who teased her about it, but Claire was the kind of person who made friendships to last. She had few acquaintances, only true compatriots.

With her permission, I had told her three best friends, Tina, Kati, and Aliena the story.

Not my part in it, not the murder, but the less gory details of what her father had done.

They didn't tease her after that.

Of course, I didn't know all of what had happened myself, only what I could infer from her injuries and what _he _had told me on the day I killed him. Claire's trust went not quite that far.

Not that I blame her!

Not that I could.

But still, I burned with curiousity.

And also was haunted. I had the most horrendous nightmares sometimes. Usually on the same nights Claire had hers. Those nights I slept in her room. Don't look at me like that, there's a couch. I would never do that to her. Not after what he already did.

I slept there to reassure her. To be there if she needed me. But I couldn't fight the monsters of her dreams, and I couldn't punch a soft scream that pierces the night like my own heart being rent in two…

Claire, if only I had known! I would have never let him touch you.

She knew, though I never had the courage to speak those words, to bring back the memory of fear that would stab her soft eyes with pain…

And silent guilt was not enough to stop my nightmares.

They always started out the same… just Claire.

I was always so glad to see her beauty, even asleep. She was usually fairly young in my dreams, the innocent baby of two she'd been when I first met her (okay, so met is a pretty simple word for something that changed both our lives forever) though sometimes she was the beautiful woman she'd become.

She would whisper, "I love you."

I would be powerless to answer.

And then the screaming would begin. My dream-Claire would yell. "No! No! Don't! Don't! No! Don't hurt me!"

He was never there. There was no enemy for me to fight. Nothing I could see, and I could not move to comfort her.

Once, my worst nightmare had been true.


	11. Chapter 11

**As some lovely reviewers said, I don't have nearly enough of them! Reviewers are beautiful, brilliant, and caring. Would you like to be one of them? All you have to do is tell me what you think of this story. Review. Review. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEWWWWW!!**

The moon was like an imperfect pearl. It shone brightly, its luminescence untouched by the slight mars on its glossy surface.

The cycles of it might not control my transformations, but nonetheless I was drawn to the moon. However, its glory could not hold my eyes compared to the perfection of the girl beside me.

Claire's hair shone ever so slightly in the moonlight. It was captivating. I could have forever watched the moonbeams dance on the black strands with every twist of her hair—oh, Claire.

I loved her so much. I wondered if she knew. My beautiful, beautiful Claire.

She liked looking at the moon, the navy blue fabric of the sky shown not black as her hair in the areas where the glow touched it. She liked looking at the moon, and I liked looking at her.

A chill breeze stirred the air, and Claire sighed and snuggled into my warm arms… I realized we must look like a couple, her back against my chest, my arms around her.

I wished we were. But I knew I couldn't ask that of her. I could, however, enjoy her touch, her tiny delicate body so close to mine.

Her voice pierced the still silence. "Quil?"

"What is it?" I recognized the tone of her anxiety, her don't-hurt-me voice. It was the tiny sound that had been her only one when I first took her from her father. It still resurfaced sometimes.

"I… I think I'm ready to tell you… if you want to hear it."

I did, and yet I did not. I didn't want, selfishly, the pain I knew would come from hearing this. I didn't want her to have to live with the suffering it would take to finally, finally, get it out. I would hear it, however. She wanted to tell me… or at least it would be good for her. And I didn't want to let her down by not listening.

"Of course. I want to hear it. Do you want to go inside?"

"No… it's really comfortable out here. Do you mind?"

"Not at all." It's not my traumatizing past, after all. I didn't get a say in this. And I'm just as comfortable with her in my arms as she seems to be in mine.

"I don't know how to start."

"What's the first thing you remember?"

"I remember… being little. And you saying good-bye… and that you loved me."

The first thing she remembered was… me? Me? Oh my God. There were no words for how that made me feel.

"And after that… probably I was about five, maybe four. I was doing my homework and he came in the room and just… hit me. For no reason at all. Scared me. I started crying and… he hit me again, harder. And again and eventually I got the hint and shut up. He'd do it every day, after that."

I bit back the fury. I could not rip him into pieces. I had already done that. I could only hurt her, and I would not allow that. I would stay in human form and hold her here and keep her safe.

"Sometimes it was worse than that… he'd tell me to do something and I'd do it wrong and he'd shout and throw something at me… or throw me at something. That's how the ribs broke. That was the stairs. A flight and a half… it was a big house, all lined up. He didn't like the way I'd folded his socks."

I felt cold rage burn through my fiery arms. My fists tightened. "Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry."

She continued without seeming even to hear. "Do I have to talk about… about the other things?"

"No. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. This is just about you, honey, about helping you and helping me know what you need. That you can talk about when you're ready, or never. It's up to you, Claire."

Her smile was weak. "Thanks, Quil. Thank you for everything."

"No, Claire, thank you. For being everything."

She pulled my arms tighter around her and we stared silent into the moon in peace.

It was a while before the sobs began.

They were not tears of pain, but of relief, and the cleansing water fell like diamonds against the pearly light.


	12. Chapter 12

**Review.**

Sometimes I wished she would express interest in some boy. Yes, I'd probably be insanely jealous. Actually, I'd _definitely_ be insanely jealous. The probably would come in with ripping-limb-from-limb… that urge might be restrainable.

Or not.

But she didn't talk to anyone but me. Didn't trust anyone but me. A few of the other pack-sters were on speaking terms with her, specifically Sam and Jacob, whose happy ending was named Alia. Paul was not trusted around her, and Embry teased mercilessly. I don't want her learning Leah's bitchy ways, either.

Overprotective? Me?

Nah.

Of course, she's friendly with all my fellow wolves and their significant others. Sam and Jake are just the two she opened up to even a little.

Her friends at school were good for her. They, however, had been distant lately.

They all had boyfriends…

I wanted a happy ending for my Claire. Hopefully, said happy ending would be with yours truly, but if it could not be me, I would want the best in the world for her.

And anyone who gave her any less would find himself at the business end of my teeth.

She returned from school suddenly, tossing her hair as she set her backpack down.

I wondered idly if she knew how _incredibly_… sexy… that was.

She probably didn't, or she'd have recoiled in fear and shock and all that.

I didn't mind.

I liked it.

A lot.

And suddenly, the truth was consuming. She knew, I knew she knew, but she didn't quite understand… I had to tell her.

"Claire? Can I talk to you?"

She seemed confused. "Of course."

"You know I'm a wolf… me and the guys and Leah?"

"Yeah."

"And you know I imprinted on you?"

"Yeah."

When I first told her, it had terrified her. I didn't want to repeat her terror, but I had been forced to underscore the intensity of my feelings to avoid having her run away.

I needed to remedy that.

"Claire, I'm not sure I explained it right. Please don't run away, I promise not to hurt you. But I'm in love with you, sweetie. I love you so much it hurts and I'll do anything to make you love me too."

She stared, and swallowed hard. Her dark eyes turned down. "I love you too, Quil. But not like that. I don't know it I have that kind of love left in me… I'm sorry. I wish I did."

"Oh, don't be sorry! Don't. I don't want you to feel bad, beautiful Claire. I want to make you happy. And if you ever need someone to love…"

"If I ever could love anyone, it will be you. I promise you that, Quil. I will always love you the most… but I don't know if I can love at all."

I swallowed my pain. "Thank you."

Later, I watched her sleep, her beautiful silhouette russet against the white sheets.

You're wrong, beautiful. You are made for and of love.

I will prove it to you.


	13. Chapter 13

**Review. Or i will die a little inside.**

I was running patrol… I had arranged it with Sam so that I always ran during school hours… when I caught the distinctive smell.

Bloodsucker.

Immediately, I ran for Emily's house.

I phased and opened the door.

"SAM! ALERT!"

In five minutes or less, ten wolves were running the green forests.

We knew our stuff, all right. I liked this.

Working as one, together, in perfect harmony, around and around on separate paths, every inch of our land monitored, but never two protecters touching.

I loved this.

But not as much as I loved the one I did this for.

Even if I hadn't imprinted, even if I wasn't made for her, I still would love her. I didn't know how anyone could not love her. She was so sweet, so brave, so smart. She tried so hard to be normal, she wanted to love me, she was everything, everything…

_Quil, focus. I know it's hard, believe me I do, but you need to keep her safe. And to do that, we need to find the leech. C'mon._

I obeyed Sam, fiercely forbidding myself from any thoughts of just how much I loved her.

Instead, I allowed the strength of the emotion to run down into my legs. I ran faster.

I loved her.

I loved this land.

And I would keep them both safe.

The creature was feeding when we found it. It had golden hair and very small fingers. It was a male.

Paul and I destroyed it in instants.

It only took two of us, really. It wasn't expecting an attack.

It was too late to save the girl. She had been bitten by the monster.

Either she would become a monster or we would have to kill her.

Sam looked at her, sighing in his mind. _Kill her,_ he ordered. _If the Cullens were still here, maybe they could take her. But I don't have any idea how to stop a bloodsucker from being a killer. It's too late._

Ten pairs of yellow eyes darted around. It would be Jake, normally, who carried out orders like these, but I think he saw something of Bella in her, in the girl who would be a vampire. He didn't have it in him.

None of us thought the less of him because of it.

Embry did it. One second was all it took to snap her neck, and then no amount of vampire venom could make her live cursed.

_Sorry, _I thought to the pale, drained corpse. _If only I was a little faster…_

We did the best we could, true, but we couldn't always be fast enough. Couldn't save them all. And sometimes there was a victim.

I think it shook us all a little. We all saw the faces we cherished most in the one that lay face-down in the ground.

I could hear it in the thoughts.

_Bella. I know you are happy. I am too… but sometimes I still wonder… do you even remember me? Do you remember what we could have had?_

_ Kim, I love you. Why don't you believe it? Why don't you trust yourself? I don't deserve you…_

_ Emily, Emily, I'm so sorry! I love you! At least I didn't kill her… at least she's alive…_

_ Why am I alone, why am I too young for imprinting? _Colin and Brady, that was.

_Poor Leah. Sister, all of our sister, but mine always, if only I could make him love you, I would._

_ Maybe it's wrong not to go on. At least I'm not face down on the forest floor… I wish I could move on, Sam. Really I do…_

_ Claire, I love you. And that so easily could have been you!_

We phased back and no longer shared thoughts…

But the pain was still there, we just no longer had the comfort of pack to share it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Every time i update, i wait for days on needles and pins, just PRAYING for reviews. Answer my prayers.**

_Quil, it's Claire's mother._

_What?_

_ She's at our house. She wants to talk._

_ She can talk to my fists. I'm not letting her take Claire away to god-knows-where so she can get hurt again!_

_ Calm down._

_ Calm._

_ Liar._

_ Sam, I'm a werewolf. We don't _do _calm_

_ Point. Anyway, you need to go talk to her. Do I have to make this official?_

_ No. I'll go talk to her. But I'm not giving Claire back to her._

He didn't reply. I stopped at my house to grab clothes before going to Emily's. Claire was at school.

Lina Denson was sitting on the couch. "Hello, Quil."

"Hi." My manner was not that of the over-helpful boy she remembered. I was no longer answerable to her for every moment I was permitted to spend with my Claire.

"Why didn't you tell me Claire was living with you?"

"She didn't want me to."

"She's a child, and I'm her mother. I have a right to see her."

"I believe you signed papers to the effect that you didn't. I also believe you left her with him for years while he did terrible, terrible things to your defenseless child and never once went to see her."

"Neither did you."

"I'm not her mother… not that I don't kick myself every minute of every day that I didn't help her. But I did. If it weren't for me, she'd still be…" too awful to think about.

"What do you want anyway?"

"I want to see Claire?"

"Why now?"

"Because I was worried and when I found out that Jack died mysteriously years ago, I decided to come check it out."

"I'm not going to let you endanger her again. She's just barely beginning to trust me again, and she won't even talk to most other people."

"I guess Jack was right about you. What have you been doing to her?"

I snarled rather viciously. "I've been keeping her safe. I would be happy to swear to that truth. I've been protecting her. She isn't ready for that. I won't hurt her. I will never hurt her. I'm not adverse to hurting you, however."

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a fact. Hurt her, or try to, and I will hurt you."

"I thought you were on my side!"

"I'm on her side. Yes, I liked you all those years ago, but I've discovered something about you. You're weak. You offered Claire to him so you could have what you wanted. I'll bet you knew. I'll bet you could have guessed and you let him, because you were afraid of what he'd do if he didn't get what he wanted. And even if you didn't, you could have guessed, I know it."

Suddenly, she dropped the confrontational manner. "Quil. I'm not asking you to give her back to me. Just please, please let me see my little girl. Just once. Please."

"All right."

"Thank you."

She stood and left. Sam walked in almost immediately after.

"Quil, I need to talk to you. We have a bit of a problem."

"What's that?"

"Well, Emily's almost thirty, and I'm only about twenty-five… hard to tell, but I don't want her to outgrow me. I want to stop phasing… and so do Jake and Jared. Which means that either you or Embry will be Alpha."

Oh. I was expecting something much more terrible. "Embry. I'm quitting the day Claire hits twenty."

"Maybe you'd better talk it over with him."

"Why?"

"Blood right. None of us know who Embry's father is, and we know your grandpa was in the last pack."

"So was his." Damn stupid traditions.

"All right. I'm not saying you need to take over. But… I guess this is me tendering my resignation as werewolf."

He smiled a rare smile.

My heart was in turmoil as I walked home, slowly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Every time i update, i wait for days on needles and pins, just PRAYING for reviews. Answer my prayers.**

__

Embry was there. "Hey, Quil."

"Hi."

We'd been friends a long time. There was no need to say it.

"I'll be Alpha, Quil. I don't really understand, because I haven't imprinted, but I've seen it through your eyes. You can't have a responsibility other than to her. I know Claire comes first."

"Thanks."

He started to leave, and then stopped. "I'm… I just… you know, it always sucked growing up being different. Everyone always assumed I wasn't Quilete, and then you know my mom was never married and there was me… I just wanted to fit in. And with the pack, I did. It was like the brothers I never had. I mean, literally in one case at least, but it was like when I was friends with you and Jake, and then all the other guys. It was cool."

"Yeah."

"And now…"

"It's over. And it'll never be the same without Sam. Who do we go running to with every problem? Who tells us what to do and takes the blame and makes sure everything goes all right and fixes it when it doesn't?"

"Sam. And Jacob's always smiling and Jared's always there, and they're part of what makes us us, y'know."

"I know."

And now it's over and we'll never have it back.

"Well, I guess it's time for us to grow up. We can't be kids forever."

"Yeah. You're right."

"I just don't want to have to be in charge."

"What if Claire never gets better? What if she's afraid forever?"

"What if I never find the one and I'm stuck watching everyone else grow up and get old and imprint and I'm always alone, always on the outside?"

Together, we sighed. And then we put back on our big strong men masks and walked out to be grown-ups.

I stopped at the grocery store and bought flowers. Claire's favorite color was white, so I bought two dozen white roses. Then I put them in her room. I can't make her love me, but I can be nice and hope for the best, right?

Grown up. Look, dad, I'm a big kid now! I can hunt vampires without Sam's help! I can smile without Jake there with a joke! I don't need my brothers. I don't need our brotherhood.

Who am I kidding?

Those of us who are left will still be a pack, but it won't be the same pack.

We'll have to forge a whole new bond without them.

Well, we'll find a way.

If we can kill vampires, we can do this. Right?

Right.

But I know I'll miss them like hell.

I waited for Claire, immersed in my thoughts.

Her arrival was silent. She shook as she entered, however.

"What's wrong?" I asked, all thoughts of my pack fleeing immediately. That didn't matter at all.

"I was at school, at my locker, and a… a boy came and… and touched my… my butt. I told him to stop and he did, but it scared me. Tina said it just meant he liked me but I don't want him to…"

She was crying. I again repressed the urge to hug her, as I had so many times in these years. Must not, may not, don't, don't.

Instead, I comforted with words. "I'm sorry. Do you know his name?"

"Yeah. Will Uley."

Sam's nephew. The kid knew. Did he think that was funny? "Excuse me, Claire."

And I ran from the room. I could not phase in front of her, but I could hardly help it. It was all I could do not to chase him down and rip him into pieces.


	16. Chapter 16

**Review, s'il vouz plait.**

It took almost an hour for me to calm down and realize I had, once again, abandoned her. This time, my rage had gotten the better of me. I had lost control when Claire needed support. Needed me there when all I could do was run away.

I went inside to apologize, but her door was locked. Instead, I went to Sam's.

"Sam, I need to talk to you!"

"Ugh. I thought I retired. Am I still in charge of you?" he teased.

"Will was bothering Claire today at school."

"I'm sorry. But I'm not the kid's father. Maybe you should talk to Will… but don't tear him to shreds, okay? My brother might get pissed."

"Not funny."

I caught up with the boy, cliff diving of all things. One of his hoodlum friends had just plunged of the precipice.

I scooped him up by the front of his shirt. His eyes widened comically. "Who are you?"

"A friend of Sam's… and Claire's. You bothered her at school. Don't do it again. Or I'll hurt you. That's all."

I dropped him, none too gently.

"Sorry! Guys do it all the time! Geez!"

"If I were standing next to a guy fifteen inches taller than me, I wouldn't be wising off- just a piece of advice. I'm leaving now, but so much as lay one finger on Claire ever again as long as you live without her express verbal permission and I'll kill you. Oh, and she didn't ask me to do this or even know I'm here, so if you tease her my offer of a slow and painful death stands for that as well."

He seemed appropriately terrified.

I left and decided there was time to knock on Claire's door. I heard sobs.

Weighing my options, I decided to wait. Eventually, she would have to either pee or eat, and I could wait until then. I could wait forever…

Claire was rubbing red eyes when she came out of her room.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to scare you, and I was so angry. I had to go calm down. Are you all right?"

"You aren't mad at me?"

"No, of course not! Why would I be mad at you?"

"I guess I don't know… you just scared me."

"I'm sorry. Sweetheart, I'm not mad. I swear."

"All… all right."

"Do you believe me, honey?"

"I believe you." She ran, quite suddenly, into my arms. "Thanks, Quil."

"What for?"

"For everything. You've always been on my side. Everything."

"You're welcome."

I realized she didn't know about her mom. "Honey, your mom was at Sam's today."

"No! Please don't make me go live with her." Again, I had said something wrong. She looked about to bolt.

"No one's going to make you do anything. You can live with me as long as you want." Originally, she was supposed to stay with Emily, but it was tricky to live in the same house as Sam and Emily. It gets a bit… nauseating. All the love. Not that I have any right to talk.

She looked straight at me, and I wasn't sure whether or not I still had her precious trust.


	17. Chapter 17

**REVIEW!**

"Really?"

"Claire, you know I won't. Don't you know me at all? Do you trust me?"

"Yeah."

And I could see, yet again, the secret. There was something she wasn't telling me. Some way in which I had failed to be enough for her, had not done what she required of me. I hoped it wasn't that she was lying, that she didn't trust me.

"Do you want to go talk to your mom?"

"No. But I will…"

I wondered why. Did she feel some obligation to this woman? Lina Denson had never done anything for Claire.

"Soon?"

"Yeah. Get it over with." She smiled a brave little smile. She was sixteen, but she still seemed a child sometimes. An innocent… something she had never been. That had been stolen from her when she was young yet.

"Claire… not to make you angry or afraid, but is there something you aren't telling me?"

She blushed a beautiful rose color. "Yeah."

"And you aren't going to?"

"No. Sor-"

"Don't apologize. I'm always here if you want to talk, but you don't ever have to tell me anything you don't want to."

She ducked her head. "Thanks."

"Anything. Anytime."

"Unconditional promises are stupid, Quil."

"Not where you're concerned. Since I can't deny you anything."

"Thanks."

She smiled again, and my heart fluttered, swelled, burst.

What you do to me, Claire. If only you knew. What you do to me.

I drove this time, even though it was only about two miles—Claire, unlike your average werewolf, was physically capable of tiring.

We talked the whole way, about little things. Trying to avoid the big issue of where we were going and whom the person waiting there would remind her of. Instead, I learned about her friends. Aliena was going out with a freshman—two whole years younger. "Lucky kid," I remarked, and Claire laughed.

"Not to hear Aliena tell it. She thinks he lights the moon."

"Well, true love is always a good thing…"

A silence sat for a moment between us. I didn't want her to feel pressured. And I didn't want to remind her of my obviously unwelcome offering of flowers. Instead, I moved the conversation along. "Have you started thinking about colleges?"

"Yeah. But I don't think I want to leave, Quil. I mean… not unless you could come too… I'd be scared. And I'd miss you."

"Maybe I could come."

"Doesn't the pack need you?"

"Not if you do. They aren't worth a second thought next to you, sweetheart. Besides, Sam's already decided to quit, and the rest of us will follow soon… the leeches are gone. It's really up to the next generation to deal with it as it comes. I'm going to quit too… if you… when you're older… if… maybe."

I was trying not to say if she loved me. That was the real deciding factor. If she couldn't accept me, I would remain young and strong, her protector, her entire life. But I would much rather be her lover.

"Thank you. I think… maybe Duke? It's in North Carolina, really far away, and it's sort of expensive."

"I've got money. Not a lot, but there's no better use than for you, and I'd be happy to move if you wanted to. I could work there, get a job. We can do it."

Her eyes widened. "That's more than I could ask."

"You can ask me for anything you want, ever. And I'll try to always, always give you more."

She appeared to be fighting with herself.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't… can't tell you."

"All right. When you're ready."

Last time being ready had taken six years. I hoped it would be quicker this time. Really, truly, I did.

But her choices were always hers. I would never take choice away from her, because then I would be no different than he was. I would never pressure her, even over something seemingly trivial, because I would always have to do my best to earn and keep her trust.


	18. Chapter 18

**REVIEW!**

We arrived at Sam's. Lina was waiting, frantic. "Claire! Oh my baby! Are you all right?"

"Thanks to Quil, mostly."

She endured an overly enthusiastic embrace. Her mother's arms flailed all over, patting her down as though attempting to check for a weapon or serious injury.

The visible ones had faded.

"Oh, sweetie, are you okay? What's wrong? Don't you worry about anything. You can just come with me now and everything will go back to normal and…"

Claire stepped aside and observed her mother blankly. "You want me to come live with you."

"Of course! You're my baby girl. I lo…"

"You think we can just pretend the last fourteen years never happened? You haven't seen me since I was four. Since you gave me up like it didn't matter so your life would be easy. So you could have what you wanted. It's not happening."

"Why not?"

"Because you want me to go live someone else's life. The life I should have had. The life I would have had. I'm not the little girl who didn't know how to say 'mommy' yet. I've done and been and seen things you can't imagine, and I'm not going back. Sorry."

That's my girl. I wondered if she could comprehend how insanely proud I was right now.

"I'm sorry, Claire," Lina said.

"Sorry isn't enough. Sorry is never going to be enough. I can't understand. I can't understand how you could let this happen. I, ma'am, am the one who's sorry. I'm sorry that I don't have it in me to forgive you. I won't. I won't come live with you. I'm going to stay here with Quil, where I'm safe. I'm sorry."  
"Don't you want to have a normal life?"

"No. I like my life. I like living here with the pack and my friends and school and Quil. You signed me over, remember. I'm not your kid anymore. You can't come revoke that fourteen years later. You don't know me."

This was so unlike her. I didn't think it was a bad thing, mind, but Claire wasn't usually one for telling people off.

"You don't want to be my daughter."

"No. I don't. And if you don't mind, I need to go home. Good-bye, Mrs. Denson."

I thought that hurt Lina more than anything else. I saw the way she shrunk back, hid. "Bye, Claire."

"Good-bye."

Claire made it all the way to the car before she broke down. "I'm such a terrible person…"

"No, you're not. That was a beautiful, brave thing to do, and I'm very proud of you."

I let her slump onto my shoulder and cry, but I think we both realized something. She wasn't a baby anymore. Claire was sixteen, and she could take care of herself in more ways than either of us had previously realized. She had handled that whole thing herself. I was so proud.

Maybe she didn't need me quite as much anymore, but I would always be there, waiting. Even if she didn't want me, I'd be close. Waiting.

I needed her.

"Claire?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Not to scare you, but just so you know… I love you."

"I love you too."

**CLIFFY OF DOOOOOOMMMMM! What happens next??**


	19. Chapter 19

**REVIEW!**

"What?" Wow, Quil. Very, very intelligent. Those are the four words you've been awaiting for fourteen years, and 'what?' is the best you can come up with. Claire is sure to be very impressed.

"I love you. That's what I didn't want to say. At first, I didn't believe it myself, and then I didn't want to say it."

"Why not?" I sounded almost combative. I must have been in shock. Maybe I'd lost my marbles?

"I was afraid. I still am… I don't know why."

"You don't need to be afraid of me." There. I'd slipped into the familiar role of protector. I felt my over-excitement dull. I knew what to do now. I knew how to keep Claire safe.

"I'm not afraid of you. I guess I'm afraid… that this will change everything somehow? That you'll not love me someday, that it's going to be just like Kati and Sean. They were best friends for years, and then they went out for a week and haven't spoken since. I'm scared, Quil, because I only feel safe when you're around."

"That's one thing you should never be afraid of. Being imprinted on kind of guarantees that it'll last forever. I will never love anyone else."

"And I know that, but it's hard to believe, that anyone could love me. What's special about me?"

"Everything. You're brave, and smart, and kind. You never ask for anything. You have something special inside you that nothing can crush. And you're the most beautiful girl… the most beautiful woman… that I've ever had the pleasure to see. I love you, Claire, and I always will. Imprinting isn't reversible. I love you. I swear that I always will. I can't help it."

"I love you."

It is impossible to describe the joy I felt in that moment, when I understood that she meant it, that she loved me in the same way I loved her, that what I'd dreamed of and planned since she was two could finally be.

"Thank you."

"I'm still scared, though. You know that, right? I'm not ready to just plunge into this."

"Tell you what. We won't do anything. We'll take it really slow, and in two years, we can move to North Carolina. And you'll go to college, and if you're ready, we can date. Where no one knows that I'm fifteen years older than you—technically."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Claire. Everything I do, I do for you. You're the reason behind my whole life. I don't think you can understand what you've given me tonight. You've given me, not just a gift, but an honor. I am happier than I've ever been before."

Her smile was the reason the world was made, in my opinion. That tiny hope, the flicker of joy that set the universe's most beautiful face aflame. "Just so you know. There's going to be… limits. I mean, what we can do. I don't want to have to explain to people that we're… whatever we are. So it's good to wait. But I mean, physically…"

Did she really think I would do anything that would hurt her? She didn't have a clue how I felt, did she? "Oh, no! When _you're_ ready. When _you_ want. You decide, you lead, you make the choices. I'm never going to pressure you into anything. I promise not to even bring it up."

"Thank you."

"Thank you."

Cautiously, she took my hand. I thought my smile would split my face in half the whole way home.

The only thing I could manage to comprehend was,

She loves me.

She loves me, she loves me, she loves me.


	20. Chapter 20

**REVIEW!**

Not that much really changed. She let me hold her hand sometimes, but occasionally she'd shudder and rip it away.

Embry's comment, on observing the incident in my mind, was _Poor Quil. You're never gonna get any._

This, of course, resulted in a wolf fight.

I won.

I tried harder.

Not much changed in the pack, either. We still squabbled like siblings and loved each other.

But there was an emptiness there. Like something was missing. That something was named Sam. Embry was a good alpha, but he wasn't born to it. Sam was. He was meant for leading. But I knew what he meant… Emily was more important.

Just like Claire was more important to me. She was everything. And despite what my crude brothers thought, I could care less about _that._ What really mattered was making her happy. If protecting her was the most I could do, I would do that cheerfully. But if I could be with her, be hers completely, then I would, and did, feel luckier than any other person ever.

She loves me. She doesn't love me as much as I love her, that isn't even possible, but she loves me enough to forget what happened to her. That's more than enough. She loves me enough to trust me.

And that's more than enough.

She loves me enough to open up.

She loves me enough to love me.

_LAAAAMMMMEEEEE…_

_ Shut UP, Seth. You big baby._

_ QUIL! That wasn't very nice._

Great. All the other imprinted guys have left the pack, so now all the others are picking on me.

_You don't understand. You don't know what it's like._

_ But I will someday!_

_ Maybe. I think we're above our average imprinting quota anyway. You might never find true love._

_ Shut UP.  
No, you shut up. _

_ You._

_ You._

_ Grow up, both of you! Honestly. You're, what, thirty? _

_ Sixteen._

_ Your driver's license says thirty._

_ Think they'd let me buy beer?_

_ Yeah, Colin, because you only look twelve. They'd totally haul you in front of Chief Swan for having a fake ID, and that's one conversation I do not need to have._

Okay, so maybe Embry was a pretty good Alpha. He was certainly making us toe the line, just like Sam. Even if he does pick on Claire. Which, in my opinion, is the worst sin anyone could ever commit, but…

At least he didn't actually hurt her.

Because then he'd be dead.

_Is that a threat?_

UGH! Dang voices in my head.

I phased. Can't take it no more!

And then I remember—She loves me. Why does anything else matter?

I ran home as fast as I could. "Claire! Hello!"

"Hi, Quil."

"I just wanted to see you."

She laughed. "Really?"

"Uh-huh."

She was making dinner. I offered, but I'm not much of a cook. Usually she just takes over.

I sat there and watched her work. The way she moved her hands was fascinating. Every action was so incredibly precise.

She had a tiny scar just above one knuckle, the only sign I could see of what I had failed to prevent. At least it wasn't like Emily. Sam could see his failure every time he looked at her.

My Claire was, physically, whole.

And ridiculously beautiful. I was certain that every boy in the world was in love with her—she was gorgeous.

From an entirely objective point of view, of course.

She swiftly, surely, placed portions of the delicious-smelling meal on plates. Then she turned to look at me, with her classic tiny smile.

"Dinner is served."

"Thanks, honey."

She laughed and brought the food over.


	21. Chapter 21

**REVIEW!**

"Mmm… this is really good."

She blushed. "Thanks."

I loved the color on her cheeks. Maybe she noticed my stare.

"What are you looking at?"

"You. Sorry…"

"That's funny."

"You don't really get it, do you, Claire? How I feel?"

She met my eyes clearly, looking right at me. "No. Explain it to me?"

"Well, when you were ten, I played it down, explaining it in a way that wouldn't scare you, because it's really pretty scary. It's… intense. For me, at least. Having the entire focus of the universe. It's like that saying, look out for number one. Only number one isn't me anymore, it's you. You matter the most. And keeping you safe and happy is everything. You need me, I'm there. You want me, I'll do anything."

"I… I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, you don't need to do anything, and I'll love you. All you have to do is… well, nothing. Whatever you are, I'll love. Whatever you want, I'll be."

She smiled. I loved her smile. However, I decided it was not exactly a happy smile. I broke the tension.

"This is delicious, by the way."

"Thank you."

It was, in fact, very good. Pasta, with tomato sauce. She had about a cup of food, and I had about twelve.

Claire's cooking had long since adjusted to my werewolf metabolism.

"Quil? Just so you know? I can't wait to go to college. It's scaring me, sure, but I can't wait to be with you."

"Neither can I."

I had succeeded.

I had won everything I wanted in the world. I adored her so completely, and I won a tiny portion of the love in return. And that was more than everything.

"I love you, Quil."

"I love you, Claire. So much."

She was more than everything.

Whether or not she was afraid, she loved me. I would help her overcome that fear.

Every fear, any fear, anything, always.

I had a new task now. I had, once, failed to protect her. I hoped I would do a better job with my new purpose.

I would love her.

It should be easy. After all, I'd been loving her for years. I always would.

It was my job now to keep her heart safe. To protect her feelings, her smile.

As I had not protected her body.

"Claire? Can I ask you something?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On what it is, smartie."

"Oh. Right." Well, I felt bright.

"No, whatever you want. One unconditional answer."

"All right." I took a deep breath. "Claire, I know you probably don't want to think about this, much less say it, much less to me. But I need to know. And I understand if you don't want to answer. But… I have to know. It's up to you if you want to answer but…"

"Quil, if you don't spit it out, I'm going to smack you." Claire was obviously teasing, but I decided I had to say it. I couldn't go on without knowing.

"Claire… what happened… I have to know. _I _know it's my fault but… do you blame me for it?"


	22. Chapter 22

**REVIEW!**

"What?"

I was expecting… well, something. Rage, or sorrow. Not the blank look of confusion that was all I could see in her perfect face.

"Are you mad at me? Because I would understand, if you are."

"Why the hell would I be mad?"

"Because I left you there. For all those years, he was doing such terrible things, and I didn't come and help."

"But you didn't do anything."

"Exactly. Didn't lift a finger when you needed me."

"It wasn't your job."

"Yes, it was. It's why I was made, Claire. To help you. To protect you. And I didn't."

"Haven't we gone over this already?"

"You were a traumatized ten-year-old. I want to be sure."

"I think I know what you want to hear. So I'll say it. It's the truth. Quil, it isn't your fault. It was never your fault. There's nothing you could have done. I forgive you."

And it was exactly what I wanted to hear. Exactly what I needed. I had the one thing I'd desired. Sweet absolution—but it was not complete. Claire had forgiven me, but I had not—could not—forgive myself. Nonetheless, she had answered a question on a subject I know she'd prefer not even to touch with a large stick. "Thanks, Claire."

"I'm mostly over it. Can't you forgive yourself? Hating yourself isn't helping me, you know. It isn't making me feel better, it isn't making what happened _un-_happen. It will always have happened, but it's in the past. It's not a secret anymore. It's just a terrible, terrible thing that used to be part of my life. Now I'm as over it as possible, and I think you should be as well."

"If you want."

Her voice was quite firm. "I do."

Suddenly, my mind flashed forward. I could hear that same sweet voice, saying those same words, sometime n the future. They meant something totally different and yet the same. Claire stood smiling, calm, dressed in a beautiful white dress I scarcely registered, because I was too busy looking at her…

And despite the different context, I knew what she meant, now and then.

"I love you too," I said.

And she smiled.

What I had done, I never would forget. Neither would she. It would always be a shadow on our love. But we would love nonetheless.

I had everything I had ever wanted, now.

I had her trust. And I had her love.

I looked at her blindingly bright smile and ached to… I didn't know. But something inside stirred like it always did looking at her, and this time that glee was filled with hope, because I knew she loved me too. Not perhaps as much as I loved her, but I wasn't sure that was possible.

It didn't matter, though. She was safe, inside and out, and she trusted me, and she loved me, and that was beautiful.

It was as precious as she was, this tender trust, and I would keep it safe with all there was in me, all that loved her…

And loving her was everything.

**REVIEW!**


	23. Chapter 23

**This is where Love Her becomes Hold Her. Several years pass in the interim. Because I am posting as one story instead of multiples, this will happen about every twelve chapters. And in answer to someone's question: the rating. I think it's amply deserved, since the abuse is, though never explicit, implied fairly heavily. BUT, just so you know, I am attempting to write a lemon for much later chapters. Anyway... apologies for this very lengthy A/N. REVIEW!**

"Well, this is intimidating," Claire remarked.

"I agree."

We were spending our first day on the campus of Claire's new school. She had been accepted at Duke, and needless to say I was willing to move untold mountains to pay the tuition. Fortunately, she'd gotten a partial scholarship, so I only had to fork over a hard-earned 20,000 a year. I probably couldn't have gotten the other half…

Well, maybe I could've. Considering the look in her eyes when she got the acceptance letter, I could have figured something out. Like giving up sleep and working four jobs? Or taking up bank robbery or something.

Anything.

"Wow. But it's beautiful."

"Glad you like it, Claire."

I liked the way her name felt on my lips. Claire. I could have spent a million years, doing nothing but saying it over and again, Claire, Claire, Claire.

I didn't have the pack in my head now to calm me down, but I caught myself. I had made a promise… I would be as normal as I could. I would not go wild, would not overdo it, would not show everyone how my world was her.

Instead, I would do my best to be totally average, the perfect, perfect, boy for her. Everything everyone expected, and also everything she wanted, I would be.

And I was proud of it. I was proud to do anything she wanted.

She was so enthralled with everything she saw here, absolutely everything. We were strolling the beautiful green gardens, walking over the grass clipped perfectly even and very short, enjoying the beautiful balmy air. I could see the sky. It was much different than Washington, that's for share.

"I love it here," Claire whispered.

"I love it too, then."

She gave a half-smile, half-blush, a sort of embarrassed curling-up of her cheeks. She was fascinated by the architecture, the curling curving lines of every part of the buildings. The gray and tans of the stones, natural colors in unnatural formations, were beautiful. However, I was much more interested by Claire's expressions. She'd never seen anything this majestic.

And it was I who had done this for her, put this smile on her face.

I had made her happy.

Which was of course the goal of my life. We took another step toward the large hall where she would be welcomed as a new student, its columns surprisingly less forbidding than that of the other architecture nearby. As we walked, I was surprised to feel her hand take mine.

It was the best surprise ever. But Claire didn't usually do things like this. It was usually I who took the lead here, who made the occasional "move," as it were. I tried not to scare her, but she rarely shied away anymore—but neither did she ever step forward to actually touch me. This was new and different, in the best of ways, and so Claire must have been expecting my questioning gaze.

She shrugged. "Well, you know I want to put everything in the past… that's part of why I wanted to come here. Sometimes the forests feel like they're pulling me back, dragging me down… and I didn't want to leave them behind entirely. It's a good balance here. And part of that balance is that I can be a normal kid, with normal friends… I'll miss Tina and Kati and them, but I also want… a boyfriend… no, you. I don't want to be afraid and alone. I want to make a fresh start."

"You never, never, _never,_ need to be alone, sweetheart. I will always be here for you."

"Thank you."

"I love you."

Her only answer was a smile. I held the door as she walked away from me into the hall that signaled the beginning of the sweeter chapter of our shared lives.

**REVIEW!**


	24. Chapter 24

**I have written this story in Claire's perspective, up to a point, and intend to continue throughout the entire thing. Would you like to read that? Would you review? Let me know, i'm trying to decide whether or not to post it. I also have some one-shots in Quil, Claire, Alice and Jack's POV. Would you like to read those? Would you review them? Let me know what you'd like to see and I'll make it happen. REVIEW!**

We are exhausted.

This is much harder than either of us expected. Claire has hours of homework a night and I'm working my butt off to pay the bills and rent.

But it's worth it, of course. I want her to be happy and successful, and my goodness she will be.

It was nine at night, and I was stuffing my face. It was Friday, and I had to work from ten to four at a bar. Not that I minded. It was a good job, fun. The people were nice, and the music was great. I loved music. Always had, back in the days that I was a skirt-chasing fifteen-year-old boy, and always will.

It was just that I was a little _tired._ The reason I was eating at nine was that I had just gotten back from overtime at my nine to six shift at the movie complex.

Being a werewolf means no leaving the reservation means no college means crappy jobs when you do leave.

Which means you have to have a lot of crappy jobs to pay for Claire's college.

But it's worth it, of course it's worth it. Even though I'm tired, I like this life.

It makes sense.

It has a clear path.

I was in charge of myself. I no longer phased, no longer shared every thought with my brothers… and I missed them, of course I missed them, but it was a relief in some ways too.

I'd spent such a long time thinking about myself as Claire's Quil and Sam's Quil, divided between her and the pack, that I'd lost myself.

Eventually, I'd go back, at least to visit, but it would never be the same.

That made me sad, but I accepted it. It was time to grow up. I couldn't be a teenager forever.

It was time to be a man.

I had a family to support, in a way. Claire wanted to be a doctor, and I was sure she would succeed.

Someday, she would make plenty of money. Right now, however, her ambition was merely costing plenty of money.

She worked at an ice cream place on weekends despite my loud protests. "I'm not going to let you do everything for me, Quil," she'd said, and I knew she was right.

I didn't have to like it, though.

I did like our life, mostly. Though, still, I hadn't so much as kissed her, we went out on our rare nights off.

She ran in the door just as I left.

"Hi Quil!"

"Hey, sweetheart. See you tomorrow."

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

Tomorrow, Saturday, I would sleep from four to noon, then work until six. Then I had two hours off. Then I had to go work again.

My life was over-packed and specifically scheduled, but it was working.

Even though I didn't get much time with Claire, my favorite thing in the universe, I was doing okay, really.

I allowed myself one more peek at Claire before I sprinted off. She was listening to her iPod, and her long, dark brown hair was bouncing in time to the music…

I ran. In the past, I would have phased and ran from my thoughts, but feet worked just as well, and I needed shoes… and clothes… to go to work.

**REVIEW!**


	25. Chapter 25

**All right, no one answered about the oneshots. I thought I'd clarify. This story is being written in Claire's perspective also. Would you like me to post it? Leave a review if you would. Also, there are several onehots in various POVs. Should I post those? REVIEW to let me know!**

There were no live bands tonight, but there was recorded music playing too loud as I mixed drinks.

That was good. I didn't want to think. Didn't want to worry. Didn't want to ask myself what Claire wanted.

It was March. We'd been here for six months. Nothing had changed between us… and I desperately wanted it too. Did she?

No thinking! Bad, bad Quil…

_I woke up in a dream today _

_To the cold of the static, and put my cold feet on the floor _

_Forgot all about yesterday _

_Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore _

_A little taste of hypocrisy _

_And I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react _

_Even though you're so close to me _

_You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back_

Great. The music is reminding me of her…

_Left in the wake of the mistake…_ what a perfect way to put it. My failure is dragging me down, pulling me away from her.

She's still so distant… maybe it's me and my fears pulling us apart, but maybe it's her, still afraid. Maybe I can't bring her back.

Before I imprinted on Claire, I never had these doubts. I was the classic over-confident cocky little kid. I thought I could do anything, that I was irresistible. Especially with my werewolf muscles.

Now, I was nervous around her… and everyone, because I wasn't sure what to do. And I couldn't afford another mistake.

_It's true _

_The way I feel _

_Was promised by your face _

_The sound of your voice _

_Painted on my memories _

_Even if you're not with me _

_I'm with you_

I always was with her, from the moment I met her. I could never, no matter whether she wanted me, love anyone else. I had lost the ability to love anyone other than my Claire.

_No, no matter how far we've come _

_I can't wait to see tomorrow _

_No matter how far we've come _

_I can't wait to see tomorrow _

_With you_

I couldn't wait. I realized, as I shook the drink-mixer thing (what on EARTH is it called? You know what I mean, right?) that I couldn't keep stalling. Couldn't keep waiting. Maybe she was waiting too.

She had said we would start being together, and there was no higher honor for me than being a part of anything she was.

No matter how far we came, I could never forget how I had failed her. We could go a million miles and the shadow of it would still be there. But I couldn't wait for the next day. For another chance. Because I was determined. Tomorrow, I would try.

I wasn't sure quite yet what I would do, but I was resolved… I would do my very best.

I wanted the past to be past. I wanted now to be now.

I wanted to be Claire's boyfriend. And I would be.

"Dude, can I have my drink?"

"Oh. Yeah…" I blushed and poured. The man winked.

"Thinkin' about a girl?"

"You caught me."

He laughed. "Good luck, man."

I may very well need it.

**REVIEW**!


	26. Chapter 26

**The Claire story is going up now! The title is _Love Him. _REVIEW!**

"Claire!" My two hour break. I was sitting on the couch when she walked in.

She smiled. "Hi, Quil."

"I'm calling in sick to work tonight."

"Why?"

"Because… I want to take a break. I'd like to go somewhere with you."

"Anywhere in particular?"

"Yep."

"Planning on telling me where?"

"Nope."

She scrutinized my face, then giggled. "Quil, are you taking me on a date?"

"Maybe."

"I love you."

"Love you more."

"I don't see how that's possible."

My heart thumped. Of course, it was ridiculous to assume she loved me anywhere as much as I loved her, but it was nice to hear she believed it.

"You should probably dress up."

"Quil, you know we're broke."

"Not when it comes to you."

She groaned. "All right. But you, mister, had better get pretty too."

"Deal." I smiled with my most angelic expression.

We disappeared to our separate bedrooms. Of course, our apartment is roughly the size of your average cardboard box, but cohabitation is out.

For now…

BAD WEREWOLF.

We have one bathroom, one kitchen, two bedrooms, and one general washer/dryer/sofa room.

Claire got first time in the bathroom. It took her nearly an hour. Then I take a quick shower and put on a suit… she said pretty, okay?

I brushed my hair, too. Just this once. (JK) and put on cologne Claire said she liked.

Then I stepped outside. She was waiting.

I caught my breath, as I had to do frequently around her. She was insanely beautiful. Incredibly beautiful.

She was wearing something shiny on her lips. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her at that moment.

Her eyes were lined in a deep green, the color that would always signify home to me.

The dress was the same color. It was long, with a bare back and no sleeves. Her hair was loose around her bare shoulders, and she was wearing clear high-heeled shoes and sparkling crystal earrings I'd given her for her twelfth birthday. It pleased me that she still liked them enough to wear them, even if she was only doing it to make me happy… okay, they weren't really crystal. They were diamonds, but don't tell her. She'd get mad if she knew.

But they used to be my mom's, and when I explained the whole werewolf-imprinting-Claire-needs-help/jewelry thing to her, she proffered them.

Mom was gone now…

So was Dad. I took a moment to mourn. It was in Claire's sophomore year that they both died, one after another. Mom died of cancer. They called Dad's disease a heart attack, but everyone knows it was really grief…

Well, I was never that close to them, they were so wrapped up in each other.

That made me feel sorry for my potential someday children. They would definitely have that problem.

"You look incredible," I whispered.

"So do you. I'm the luckiest girl in town."

"You have that backwards… wait, nevermind."

She cracked up. "You are too funny."

"Thank you." So I was being a little sarcastic…

"You're welcome."

"Come on, Claire." Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars, but there's no rule against over-employed ex-werewolves owning their own. So I escorted her to our carriage, a.k.a. a beat-up really, really, old BMW that I found broken on the side of the road and Jacob expertly repaired to beyond-perfect condition. Everyone I know thought I had a 50,000 car.

It was free.

I loved Jake.

Claire let me take her hand and escort her to the car. She smiled as I opened the door for her and full-out laughed when I bowed as I closed it.

This was going to be fun…

I drove a little ways out of town, to what was basically a retirement community, called Farrington Village. The most expensive restaurant I could track down within 200 miles was there, and I had heard it was fantastic. Neither Claire nor I had ever been to a place where our respective tux and prom dress didn't qualify us as overdressed.

As we pulled into the village, the sun set gloriously behind the stinky barn. Several cows, striped black then white then black, like an Oreo, were standing around, peacefully chewing their cud or just enjoying the lovely air. I parked the car in a flowery parking lot, guiding Claire over the manure-covered ground, (gross, I know,) with a careful and steady hand. She blushed.

"I'm not quite that delicate, Quil."

"But I must be careful… I wouldn't want to damage you. Those shoes look perilous. And pretty."

"They are, the first at least. _You've_ never worn four-inch heels."

"Nor do I plan to… unless you ask very, very nicely."

She laughed.

And then punched me hard in the stomach, probably bruising her hand.

"What did I do?"

"HOW MUCH ARE YOU PAYING FOR THIS!!"  
"Um, I haven't paid anything yet… unless you count the dress."

"This must be incredibly expensive."

I spun her gently and looked into her eyes, resisting the temptation to lose myself in them. "Claire. Please, please, let me do this for you. Please."

"All right, but you owe me one." And then she cracked up.

I smiled too.

We walked in. Okay, we were a _little_ dressed.

But even the waiters were wearing freaking tuxedos, so I didn't feel that out of place. The whole room was lit with giant twelve-foot crystal chandeliers. It was a really big room, too. The white tablecloths were covered with heavy silver silverware, and by silver I mean the precious metal, not the color, so it isn't redundant.

There must have been eight forks and five plates. A heavy bottle of sparkling water was on the table waiting for us and the guy pulled out our chairs.

"Wow," Claire whispered.

I smiled.

Then I pulled out the menu.

I had no idea what about nine-tenths of this stuff was.

Neither did Claire.

We decided on two salads, one Ceasar and one Chef's. My suggestion for the sweetbreads was outvoted.

"I am not, no matter how much you beg, eating goat intestines. Nice try."

"I think it's actually cow intestines."

"Read my lips. No."

I sighed. "All right, no sweet breads. What about this pasta?"

We got the salads. And it was fantastic, of course. The Caesar had a big lacy web of parmesan cheese on top that had been fried. I let Claire eat it, but she gave me a piece.

Perfect, and generous too!

Is _that_ redundant?

Anyway, the food was good. She ordered a leek tart, which appeared to actually be mostly eggs, cheese, and spinach, and only had a little bit of fried leeks at the edge. But she liked it.

I ordered a steak. Hey, I may not phase anymore, but I've still got a stomach like a bottomless pit.

Steak is good at filling bottomless pits.

"This is good!"

"You're welcome."

"Thank you."

The waiter cleared our places. "Would you like any dessert?"

"No."

"Yes." I glared at her.

He produced a menu. It had Key Lime Pie on it. And Claire cannot resist Key Lime Pie, no matter that it costs twelve bucks here.

So we got that and the Triple Chocolate Platter. Oh, and two decaf mochas. We're chocolate people, what can I say?

She finished that sucker in seconds and grinned.

Then the bill came.

I didn't let Claire see it… she shouldn't be exposed to such things.

Four HUNDRED dollars for one dinner!  
It's worth it, of course. Because this has been one long set-up…

I put my life's savings (not really, but close) in the little fold-up money holder thing, and the waiter smiles as we leave the restaurant, even though I can't afford a good tip.

"Want to take a walk?"

"Ugh. Yeah. I must have gained ten pounds from that meal!"

"You'd still look great if you gained ten hundred."

"You mean a thousand?"

"My way's more poetical."

She laughed again. This was going well.

We strolled down a street lined with picturesque gardens and tiny houses. The night was shining with stars and the bright perfection of a full moon. "It was a night like this when you told me you loved me the first time," I mused.

"That was a good night."

"Yeah."

She took my hand, and I was emboldened. "Claire, I want to ask you something."

"Of course. You just bought me two hundred dollars worth of food, didn't you?"

She must have looked at the prices on the menu. Conniving little girl. "I understand if it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to… but I want to know if you're ready. Claire, may I kiss you?"

Her lips shone in the moonlight as they opened to answer.

**What a nice long chapter that was! I think you should REVIEW it**!


	27. Chapter 27

**REVIEW!**

"Of course. I've been waiting for you to for three years. I was beginning to think you didn't… want me."

I took a deep breath and settled her doubts.

When my arms encircled her, she smiled encouragingly into my face. I bent down and went into heaven…

But the instant I reached it, the split second my lips touched hers, she froze.

So I backed off. It wasn't even a conscious choice- I just responded. She was afraid. I was scaring her. There wasn't a chance I could continue.

I took a step away from her. She was shaking, her eyes down. She was clearly terrified. It reminded me of when she was ten and I'd seen her at her fourth grade class, eyes downcast, face bruised.

And though she was no longer physically scarred, the signs were still there. I could see them now.

"I'm sorry, Claire."

She didn't respond, just sort of quivered. Like jelly in a hurricane, standing there under the streetlamp.

"Claire?"

I dropped it. She was obviously too scared to respond. I would ask her whether she was angry when she was talking again. I didn't think she was, it wouldn't be like her, at all, especially not after she'd given me express permission- which she had… right?

There was no point, no point to this. I would just wait for Claire to talk to me. I stood awkwardly a few feet from her, and waited. It was a long, slow, excruciatingly painful wait. I was slowly dying as I waited, but wait I did. Wait I would, for her.

In twenty minutes at the very least, she stopped shaking, but did not look up, did not move towards me. "Sorry," she whispered, as quietly as once she always had.

"Not your fault."

"Can we go home?"

"Of course."

I very cautiously took her hand. She silently followed me to the car. My vivacious, laughing Claire of a minute ago had disappeared, carrying my beautiful evening along with it. Now she was shrunken and terrified. I drove home. After a few silent, awkward minutes, I sighed.

"Are you mad at me?" she whispered.

"No, of course not. It's just a side effect. Of something that happened a long time ago. It's not your choice, and it wouldn't make any sense for me to be mad at you. Besides, I love you. No, sweetheart. I'll never be mad at you for saying no to anything. It's always your choice, remember? Always yours. I will never blame you. I love you."

"I love you too," she whispers, but it doesn't sound like an earnest statement, just something she had to say.

"All right. I'm not going to make you talk anymore. I can see it's hard for you right now. When you've forgiven me, or when you feel better, whichever it is, you can start talking. We can talk about this, when you're ready. Then. I love you."

She smiled a teeny little smile, which made me smile an encouraging big huge grin.

I had goofed up. But I would fix it.

**REVIEW!**


	28. Chapter 28

**REVIEW!**

She did not smile in the morning. She did not notice I so much as existed. She had deep shadows under her eyes, and in the night I had heard screams.

Nightmares.

That was what it meant.

I called in sick again. I couldn't leave Claire alone. Not like this.

Yes, I would rather save it for a day when we could be happy, but it was important. "I have the flu, Joe. I'll be in on Tuesday. Yes, yes, I'll go to the doctor's. I'm on my way right now. See you then. Bye." I hacked a fake cough. Then I hung up. I spent the entire morning sitting on the couch, watching Claire stare blankly at her homework, not writing, not turning pages, seeing nothing but terror.

It was noon when she stood, marched to the refrigerator, grabbed a yogurt, grabbed a spoon, ripped the lid back, and mechanically shoved the food in her mouth. Then she throw it away and marched back to the couch.

I couldn't look at this. Couldn't stand it. She was in so much pain, and I lived only to make her happy. "Claire. Claire, honey, it's all right. I swear to you, I won't hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you. I don't have money to pay for a therapist, but I'll find some somewhere. I'll sell crack… which I'll get… somewhere."

She laughed weakly at my weak joke. But it wasn't a real laugh.

"Will you tell me why you're so afraid?"

She didn't look at me, but she spoke. "I wanted you to kiss me. I did. But when you did, it felt… like all of a sudden, you weren't you. I felt you growing and me shrinking until I was tiny and helpless and in that second you were him and it scared me."

"I'm so sorry. Sweetheart, you know I would never hurt you. You know that. And you know I stopped."

Her voice is a modicum stronger. "Yeah. Yeah, you did. And I guess there's no reason for me to be doing this. But it's…"

"No, there isn't. Does it make you feel better?"

"No. It stops me from feeling at all. When I was living… with him, the first time he hit me, I came in my room and locked the door. So he ripped it off. I didn't try that again… instead, when he got worse, when something happened… the first time _he_ kissed me… I shut down. Didn't go to my room or he'd follow."

I trembled. I almost lost control. But I didn't.

"So I'd stay on the couch, and just… make myself invisible, or boring, or something. I'd sit there and stare at a book, and when I had to get up I'd move like a robot. Not a person. If I was a person, he could hurt me… I learned that fast. I couldn't be hurt if I couldn't feel anything. So I didn't feel… and when he made me do something… anything, really, from laundry to saying I loved him to… I would just pretend… pretend it didn't mean anything. Break down the syllables and the movements into nonsense. So it didn't hurt. Didn't scare me."

"I… should… have… been… there…" I muttered, low, deep. It was mostly to myself. My Claire should not have had to protect herself. What was I for if not to take that from her? I should have…

"That's why. I'm sorry I scared you, Quil."

"I'm sorry I left you all those years. Sorry, sorry, sorry, Claire. And I swear, you don't have to protect yourself from me. You don't have to hide. I won't ever do anything. I swear."

"Wait… Quil… it's not your fault. And I'm not afraid of you. It was just the shock, and the nightmares…" she shuddered. "I don't want us to drift apart, I want us to come together. And I want you to know, Quil. I'd like to… try it again."

She stood, and walked, much more normally, towards me. She still seemed afraid. This was such not a good idea, but Claire wanted to _kiss_ me, and that was all I could think about. I couldn't remember my name, much less form a coherent argument. This time, she kissed me, not the other way around…

**REVIEW!**


	29. Chapter 29

**REVIEW!**

And she didn't stop. I cautiously reached up and held her around the shoulders. She sat down… on my lap. And still didn't stop.

I couldn't think. At all.

Finally, we broke apart. "That was _amazing,_" I whispered. "Thank you."

"Right back at you. And you're welcome."

"So're you."

"Oh, Quil?"

"Mm-hmmm?"

"Thanks for the dinner."

We laughed and laughed.

When we stopped, I traced my hand down her face. She smiled, still sitting on my lap, looking right at me. It was amazing I could form a thought at all…

She was really truly touching me. We had just shared a kiss, the truest marker of truest loves, and she wasn't afraid. "Why could you do that… not that I'm complaining, of course?"

"Well… it's different. I did the same thing, separated it with my mind. Like I used to… it isn't me saying I loved him, it's just 'aaayy luffvv iooo.' Nonsense. Nothing. Couldn't hurt that way. Except this time, I did it differently. Told myself, 'This is nothing to be afraid of, nothing bad can happen. It's just Quil. He loves you and you love him and this is what should be happening. It's right.'"

Never in my life had I been happier to be just Quil. I would be just whatever she wanted. "That's very impressive, sweetheart. Thank you, so much. I see how hard it is for you."

"I see how hard it is for you, Quil. To look at what I've gone through, to sit here and see me in pain. And you go through it all."

"For you? I would do anything. For you I do everything. You're the reason behind it all, Claire. And I love you. More than you know. Thank you for loving me."

"You're welcome."

She put her arms around my neck and lay her head against my shoulder. I sighed. This felt absolutely perfect… just like kissing her. Her lips were very soft.

I was suddenly acutely conscious that Claire's chest was right against mine, and that she was not exactly the little girl she used to be, if you catch my drift. I blushed at the thought, and smiled despite myself at the incredible sensation. She only snuggled closer against me.

This was perfect. I loved touching her. Loved being in her presence, much less by her side. If only I could stay here forever. She seemed content, too. Not moving, not speaking, just being, breathing next to each other, in the same rhythm, with one heart beating.

I held her close and safe. "I will never let anyone hurt you, Claire. You are safe. I will hold you close forever."

"Thank you," she whispered, closing her eyes. She didn't move. I breathed softly and a few delicate strands of her hair blew across her head…

So precious.

So loved.

She was mine. I would keep her safe. I loved her.

"Claire, Claire, Claire," I whispered, just to hear the sound. "Claire…"

I could feel her cheeks curve into a smile against my chest as her steady breathing blew down my stomach.

This was perfect. I couldn't have been happier. Everything was this one thing- her. Her, my Claire, who I held safe against me. I could hold her there forever and never grow weary of it.

"I love you, " I said. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to.

**REVIEW!**


	30. Chapter 30

**REVIEW!**

The next day, I went back to work, and Claire went back to class. Joe was way too happy to see me… I was the most reliable person on his staff that spoke English. Everyone else was either a pimply teenager or on the other side of a language barrier.

I did my best to ingratiate myself, since Joe was like eighty, seriously, and he couldn't keep working very long. I was hoping to get his job when he retired and make enough money to do more nice things for Claire, and hopefully not work quite so much.

So I could spend more time with Claire.

Everything came back to her sooner or later.

Focus.

I couldn't, though. This was not an ordinary day, and I kept forgetting what I was doing in my thoughts.

I had really scared her… I wasn't sure what I had done wrong, but she'd made it very clear Saturday that it wasn't me she thought I was, it was him she saw.

And I had resolved to be as little like him as possible.

I didn't know what I had done wrong… she didn't seem mad at me, just scared. And then she had kissed me, something I would never have expected, and it had been like heaven, only better…

"Quil! What's wrong with you!" Joe snapped.

"Sorry, boss. I had the flu yesterday and I'm still not totally over it… plus, someone I really care about is having a hard time right now. What do you want me to do now? I'm done sorting the drink mix."

Generally, I was kept working the ticket counter, but what we called "backstage" was better for a day like today.

"That girl, right? Claire?"

"Yeah…" I was surprised he remembered. The only time he'd ever heard about her was when I wrote her name on my job application for who I lived with, and here and there when she came up in conversation.

"She all right?"

"I'm not sure. We're working it out, though. She's a strong person, she'll come through. I know she will."

The old man looked in my eyes. "Son, I'm going to tell you something. You know you're the best employee here, and I know you want my job. I'm going to retire next week, and I've recommended you be made manager. But that isn't what I wanted to say. When my wife died, that was the worst day of my life, but in a way, it was the best. It was the day my daughter came home after fourteen years—she left when she got pregnant in high school and we wanted her to get an abortion. I met my grandson, I saw my only child. It was beautiful. Grief can bring people together, boy. Or it can tear them apart. It's up to you. You need to let this girl know you're here for her. Or she'll find someone else who will be."

He looked very bad-action-movie-wiseman with the white beard and hair, all skinny and frail and old. But I knew he was right. "Thank you."

"You remember what I said. Now, I need you to take theatres one through twelve. Go on."

I ran.

**REVIEW!**


	31. Chapter 31

**REVIEW!**

And I so completely needed another complication, right? Fast forward to Friday night. I was working the bar, when, lo and behold, a youngish woman comes up. She's about thirty-seven, good-looking, and vaguely familiar.

"Quil! Quil Ateara, right?"

"Yeah. And you're… I know you."

"Elaine James. You asked me out when I was going out with Steven, in twelfth grade."

That's right… that was another lifetime. "Wow. Small world, huh?"

"Yeah. But then you were one of Sam's gang. I thought you guys were going to stay on the rez forever?" Yeah, that was the plan. But true love got in the way and the vampires moved out.

"Nothing lasts forever. Sam's…" stopped phasing? What was I going to say? "We've all grown up, I guess. None of us are over-sized children anymore."

"You don't look a day older. Not that you looked sixteen, then, but you only look twenty-five."

Lie, lie, I need a lie… "I skipped a couple grades. I just turned thirty." In reality, I was a really dumb student, and I haven't got a clue how old I am, so I'll just lie. Lying isn't good, unless you have a supernatural secret that people would lock you up if they knew.

"Wow, I never knew that. What're you doing here?"

I blushed. "I'm putting Claire through college."

"Claire?"

"My… girlfriend, I guess." And so much more, of course.

She eyed me, teasingly. "I thought you were into older girls."

"I've changed. Besides… Claire and I have been best friends for years. She even lived with me in La Push, after you left and her dad died." I left out the dismemberment and child abuse. Oh, and imprinting and werewolves, of course. "Sam and Emily were nearby- she's Emily's niece. But Sam and Emily can be a little… much, you know. They love each other so much it's almost nauseating. So Claire stayed with me. She's twenty-six now, but she's only a freshman." Actually, she's nineteen. But Elaine does not need to know that, because she thinks I'm thirty.

"Oh. Well, do the two of you want to come over tomorrow? I'm having a party… I'm an assistant professor of Literary Arts, but I just started working here, so I'm hoping to get to know some of the other young teachers and old students.

"I've got to work… except between six and nine."

"That's exactly when the party is! You're in luck. Come on, you can't say no. I live just outside East Campus, in the Dwyer building. Second floor, apartment 205. You have to come. I want to meet her."

"Sure." This was such a bad, bad, BAD idea. I had to explain this to Claire. Maybe I could use the flu excuse again… it was more than just the usual awkwardness of meeting someone who rejected you twenty years ago, it was the awkwardness of the fact that she was an adult and you were still a kid.

Bad, bad, bad.

She smiled. "See ya then, Quil."

I smiled too, and then scooted away to help someone. Or just to get away before she saw through my story.

**REVIEW!**


	32. Chapter 32

**REVIEW!**

"Claire?" This was going to be deeply unpleasant. Deeply, deeply, unpleasant.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna go to a party in like five minutes?"

"Whose?"

"A girl I knew in high school. I met her last night. Oh, and I told her you were twenty-five and I was thirty."

"Why?"

"Because I don't look any older than when I was sixteen, that's why."

"Oh."

"She sort of bullied me into going."

"All right. I'll come."

"Good. I want to show you off."

She smiled at that. "Give me ten minutes to get ready."

"Take fifteen." She smiles and disappears into her room.

I put on a polo shirt and khaki slacks, since I have no clue how fancy this will be. This should work out. It was my anytime outfit.

Claire, on the other hand, did not look very anytime at all. She was wearing a dark blue dress and white leggings, with flat blue shoes. She smiled when she saw me. "Let's go."

She led this time, as we walked to my car. Now we sat side by side, listening to music, not quite as comfortable as we had been before the events of Saturday night.

The ride was all too brief, and suddenly we are there, exiting the car. Claire took my hand. "Let's give these people the performance of a lifetime."

I grinned. "Your wish, my command."

Elaine's jaw dropped as we walked in. "That kid! I know her! She's only nineteen!"

"What?" Brilliant, brilliant response.

"I knew her mom. Lina Denson, my big sister's best friend! I was there when she had her baby. Claire, right?"

Frick. I had forgotten how tiny La Push was. Everyone knew everyone else, and had for several generations.

Fortunately, my Claire was a genius. And good at improv. "Oh, you must be thinking of my little sister. We have the same name… confusing, right? Well, my mom was only sixteen when I was born, so I went to live with my grandparents for a couple years, and then I moved to my dad's when my parents got divorced. Mom missed me a bunch, so she named my sister after me!"

"Oh."

She still doesn't quite seem like she believes Claire's enthusiastic lie.

So I add another element, this one of tragedy. "It's good her mother had that reminder… Claire's father was a terrible parent. I'm not going to go into the whole story, but he ended up murdered, while Claire was at school. I thank God every day that she stayed late, that she didn't have to see what happened… it was a fight. Over drugs. When Claire came to live with me, she was severely emaciated." True, although that was far from the worst of it. "There was no food in the house because her dad was always high." Lie. But whatever.

"I try not to think about it…" huge fake sob, on Claire's part. "He may have been a crappy dad, but I loved him. It was so hard, to see the pictures in the papers of… of what happened… it was pretty…"

"Gruesome. I was there, waiting to see Claire. I was outside the front door when the knife went in…" a slight exaggeration. I didn't need a knife to kill the man who'd hurt Claire so much.

"Oh…" this was a believing sound. I thought she was fooled.

But I was too busy thinking about what Claire had said. I wasn't sure if it was a lie, but it didn't sound like one. Had she loved him, despite everything? Had I hurt her when I killed him?

And I thought I'd had my fair share of tricky conversations this evening.

The party was nice enough, a bunch of people my "age" and lots of food. I like food…

It was sort of boring, except that Claire was there.

I got to leave right after dessert because of work, but I decided to walk the two miles so Claire could drive home herself. She was having a lot of fun.

When I left, she was standing, drink in hand, and chatting with a tall brunette senior.

Good. She didn't have enough friends.

There was no such thing as her being too happy, in my opinion.

**REVIEW!**


	33. Chapter 33

**REVIEW!**

"Quil. May I speak to you?"

"Of course."

I worried at the formal tone of her voice… but it was all right. Even if she was going to tell me she never wanted to see my face again, I would take pleasure in making sure she never did. I would watch her forever, see her grow old in someone else's arms, phase again, stay young forever for my pack. It might not be as fun for me, but I would be glad to help her.

"I've noticed something. You worry too much."

"Well, I worry about something very important."

"I'm being serious, Quil."

"So am I."

"Yeah. Shut up. Anyway, I need to ask you to do something for me. When I was first living with you, remember how scared I was? And then I wasn't, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Ever wonder why?"

I had actually been attributing that to my mad-tastic awesomeness and loving devotion, not that I would ever tell her that even if my life depended on it… "No."

"Because I decided. I looked at myself and I said, I have two choices here. I can let him win. Or I can get over it. I picked being strong. It isn't always easy, but I decided I wasn't going to let him steal my choice, my ability to love. I love you, and I'm proud of it. But I think, as of right now, you're letting him win. You're so caught up by this ridiculous idea that you failed me that you can't get over him. He's dead. And, yes, I wasn't lying to you, I did love him. Every girl loves her Daddy, but he betrayed me. So now I choose, with my choice that will always be mine, to say that I don't love him. I love you."

"Wow." Claire is so impressive sometimes. She should write a self-help book. I mean, what ten-year-old thinks like that? One heck of a ten-year-old, in my very unbiased opinion.

"So I think you need to think. All these years, you've been worrying about me, and I think you need to take five minutes and worry about you. You're a very selfless person, but sometimes people need to be selfish. Ask yourself how you feel. And how to stop feeling it. And then do what you think is right. Once in a while, I'm going to get scared. When we do something physical, it's going to freak me out. But keep trying."

"All right… I will. Absolutely, one hundred percent. You're right, Claire. You're right."

"Of course I am."

I grinned at that. "Let's keep trying, shall we?" And I try something…

I kissed her. Very enthusiastically. This was the first time, technically speaking, I'd ever really kissed her, and only the second time we'd kissed.

But it felt like my whole life had been spent working towards it.

"Only twice, and already we've got it perfect," Claire commented as we broke apart.

"My thoughts exactly."

She laughed. "But don't think you can distract me. You remember what I said."

"Yes, ma'am."

**REVIEW!**


	34. Chapter 34

**REVIEW!**

I did think. Long and hard.

And I came to the conclusion that Claire was right.

I had spent the last ten years trying to fix her, when she had saved herself in all but actual physical actions. She was the hero, not me. I was the one who had the fear. I feared hurting her, and I had fallen prey to that.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, though she was nowhere in earshot. But sorry had been the problem all along, hadn't it? I had been crippled by sorry. When there was only one thing to make up for failure, I'd spent my time wallowing in remorse rather than actually helping…

So I would help. I would not be stopped. I loved Claire, and I would always love her. I would not let anything stop that. I was sure of that.

I stand and rejoin her in the main room.

"Well?" She cocks an eyebrow. It is adorable... for god's sake, focus, Quil.

"You were right."

"Of course I was." She doesn't seem surprised at all. "But I'm glad you agree with me. Now you can be right too."

"I have seen the light. I love you."

"I note the absence of any form of apology, thanks to what ever heavenly power there is. I am sick of apologies. I never want to hear you apologize ever again."

"What if… I accidentally, er, umm… I know! Break your stuff!"

"No sorry."

"Dang."

She cracked up again. "You're so funny. I love you. See, that's the important thing. I love you, flaws and all. I love exactly what you are."

This was a novel concept. I knew I would become exactly what Claire wanted, that I loved everything she was, but to hear that she didn't want me to change was wonderful.

It had been a long time since I could be who I was, so caught up had I become in the pack and in her.

I had found her.

I had run from my brothers. Perhaps it was shameful, to have abandoned my tribe, but there was still Colin and Brady, Embry and Leah. Four protectors should be enough with the Cullens gone. And maybe someday Claire would want to return to the forest that would always be my home.

Until then, I had found what I'd lost.

I had found Quil Ateara.

And, yes, a lot of me was made of the pack and Claire, but I needed to keep them separate. I realized that. Every part of me was what Claire wanted, but I had been looking at that fact wrong. I didn't have to mold myself to her, because she loved me.

I had everything I needed, everything she needed. Finally our hearts would not be breaking. Nothing could shake our world.

Happy endings don't have horror. That part was over. I knew it. And I had everything that could hold her.

I took her hand and spun her around to face me. I could hold her, in my arms, in my heart, forever. I was her Quil. She was my Claire. And that, that could never ever change.

**REVIEW!**


	35. Chapter 35

**REVIEW!**

Claire's graduation day.

I had never, never been so proud. Eight years of hard work and this day was finally here…

Wow. Claire was twenty seven. An adult. She still seemed like a child to me sometimes, the child I had loved first. But I loved her. I would love everything she ever became.

When her name was called, I embarrassed her, and probably myself, by springing to my feet and clapping as long and loud as I could. "Claire! Woo hoo!!"

The women on either side of me elbowed my sides. I didn't even notice.

Claire grinned just for me.

I grinned back. My every smile was hers.

And then they gave her the diploma.

I saw that longed-for scroll in her hand, and I couldn't restrain myself, I shouted over the crowd "Go Claire! I love you!"

She turned her face to the ground and muttered something. It was probably either a curse or a threat, given the circumstances. Finally, she decided on the one thing that could change my mind. She looked up, right into my eyes. It was like there was no one else, not thousands of people, gathered round. They all just fell away. The world was her, and I was permitted to be on it.

I was so lucky.

I sat down.

Claire smiled. Dang it! That girl always wins. Poo.

I was tempted to stand up just to prove I didn't always do what she asked the instant she asked it, but I didn't, because I _did_ always do what she asked, and it would annoy her- an even worse offence after seven years of being banned from apologizing.

Seven glorious, blissfully happy years- but seven years. And she was right, I knew that- but it was hard to resist the urge of the sinner to throw himself at the saint's perfect feet. I wanted to, but I knew I had to be strong. I had to earn her forgiveness, not just ask it.

That was one of the things our relationship was built upon.

And I loved it.

We weren't like everyone else. We didn't seek out sorry, we sought to get better, and everything we did, we did together.

We weren't married yet. I hadn't worked up the nerves to ask, though I desperately wanted to. Maybe now that she was going to become an intern, one step closer- only three years away- from her dream, I could.

I doubted it.

And, though it's difficult to reckon werewolf ages, by more than one way of counting and certainly by chronological time, I had the not-so-proud and extremely secret title of Forty-Year-Old-Virgin.

Embry's long-ago taunt had come true with a vengeance.

I understood, and had always known, that if that could ever happen between us (and for me there was no one else and never had been) we would have to be married first. I don't think we ever discussed it, it was more of a feeling. _I'm better, but not that. I love you, but not that._

I would never pressure her for anything she didn't want to give me.

Claire was the one who defined me. I worshipped her.

As she threw a black cap into the air, my love blinded me. This exquisite creature, and she is mine…

How on earth did I get so lucky?

**REVIEW!**


	36. Chapter 36

**REVIEW! By the way, if i were y'all, i would be dreading the next chapter. just to warn you. :D**

Everything must be perfect. Absolutely, totally perfect. This day must shine. It must please and delight her.

I was quite good at that.

I had plenty of practice.

Claire arrived home exhausted. She appeared to have been weeping for hours. "Someone died, Quil. I was standing right there, trying to convince her to take her medicine. And she just died. While I watched… oh, Quil!"

I buried her in my embrace. "Sweetie, I'm so sor… I wish you didn't have to see that."

"It's all right. I chose this job, and I knew I'd have to see things like this."

I focused my heart and soul on the quivering body in my arms. Maybe the moment wasn't quite right, but I was ready. And if I didn't do it now, I would never find the courage.

I slipped away. The floor struck my knee with an almost painful pressure, and Claire looked down on me in surprise. I removed the box from my pocket, opened the velvet.

The ring was small, but beautiful- a triangular diamond surrounded by a tiny path of tiny stones laid in a style the man at the jewelry counter called pave.

"Claire, you know I love you. I would do anything for you. You are everything in the world to me, as I've said time and again. I want to make you mine as I am yours. Claire, beautiful, beloved Claire, will you marry me?"

Her eyes closed and darted away. "No."

I could hear the unspoken apology. I brushed past the pain. "Why not?"

"Because I'm scared."

"I thought you didn't want to let him win, Claire. Do you want to give up a chance to be happy?" I didn't want to pressure her, but I wanted this so much…

"No. But I don't want to be trapped. I don't… I don't want there to be nowhere for me to go."

"Is there any way I can make you feel like that isn't going to happen?"

"I don't think so. I'm sorry, Quil."

"No sorry."

She smiled.

"You're tired, Claire. Go to bed. Don't be sorry."

She scampered to bed, and I sunk the few steps to the ground. I would not weep- I hadn't cried since I had found Claire beaten and terrified all those years ago- the memory still horrified me.

I felt the tears of rejection building behind my eyes, however. And I understood why, but I had to convince her. This seemed to me like the final thing that would convince her. The final sign of love, of our finality, of the fact that I would always keep her.

It was already true, but I wanted to tell her.

And I knew that she knew it. And I loved her. And all my thoughts were running in circles. My poor angel. She was so afraid, so weary. I shouldn't have asked. But there was no way I could resist. It was almost a compulsion to prove myself to her.

Claire, I love you…

I closed the lid to the box.

Against all efforts a single tear splashes onto the black velvet.

**REVIEW!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Ah. Here it is. Enjoy. -snickers sadistically-... oh, right. and REVIEW!**

He looked exactly like me. I realized that at once.

He looked just as I probably would, if I wasn't a werewolf. Or ex-werewolf.

That was the only comforting thing. I knew she loved me. Why else would he look so much like me?

Claire loved me. I had to trust that love would bring us together. We were one, after all. One enough that I knew her words before they left her lips.

"Quil?"

"Claire."

"This is Josh. He also works at UNC with me, he's a friend… Quil, I need to talk to you."

"No, you don't. I know, Claire." I tried not to sound dismissive. I tried, and I failed.

"Josh, I'll meet you in a minute, okay?" She clearly was not taking now for an answer.

"'Kay." I do my best not to hate this nonchalant boy.

"Quil, you don't understand. I love you, really, truly, I do. But I've been living with you for seventeen years. I don't want to be dragged away from my life. I don't want to be pulled onto a path I don't want to take. I know you never meant to hurt me…"

But I did. Again, again I had failed. I wanted to beg for her forgiveness.

"And you didn't. Really, it's me here, Quil. I just need some space. I need to find out who I am, before I find out when I can love you."

"Whoever you are, I'll be who you need, Claire."

"Quil. Please. I feel awful, really, I do. And I want you to be happy, and I still want to stay here, if you'll have me."

"Of course I will." What an outrageous question. She could be a murderer and she'd have a place in my house- though technically, I was a murderer too.

"Josh knows. Not what you are, but that you love me, and what happened when I was little. And he knows that… this is temporary. That I love you, too."

Like Jake and Bella. He knew he was second-best, and he was okay with it. This poor kid. For a minute I sympathized with his pain, and then I remembered mine.

"Quil, don't hate me. I love you. I always will. And I will come back someday. I'll still see you every day. And when I'm ready… I'll be ready for anything."

"You'll marry me?"

"Yes." My heart leaped for a minute, then, as she turned, smashed.

I understood. I believed it when she said she loved me. I understood that she needed to figure out whether or not she was ready. Really, truly, I did.

But that didn't stop my stomach from falling to my feet, the blood racing through my head. I slumped to the floor and began, not to sob or cry, but to moan.

I would still see her. I would still be her friend. Once I had said I'd be content with that… but she hadn't loved me then. Why? Why?

I supposed it was poetic justice. I had failed. And in my failure, I had hurt her, and now because of it she was leaving, and thus I too was hurt. Not that her suffering wasn't a punishment too.

And I knew that there was no way to remit my great sin. I knew she had been through more than I had ever experienced, but I was having a hard time convincing my now non-existent digestive system of that.

The agony speared through me as I thought softly her name. Claire.

Claire. Claire. Claire. Why was I torturing myself?

Claire. I had thought she was mine.

Claire, Claire, Claire.

Where had I gone wrong?

Claire, Claire, Claire. You love me, right?

Claire, I'm sorry.

I can't say it to your face but it's the truest thing in the world. I'm sorry sorry, Claire. So sorry

Claire, Claire, Claire. Come back to me soon, Claire. Come back to me soon.

**REVIEW! and, and try not to hate Claire TOO much, okays? she has her reasons.**


	38. Chapter 38

** Wow, quite a response i got to last chapter. :D. this is me laughing at your pain. i personally like this chapter, even though it's sad. REVIEW!**

The two of them were laughing, smiling, and holding hands. I stifled something that would probably be classified as a growl…

I loved her hands. They were so delicate and small, and yet they could do so much. When she talked, they moved, danced.

I loved everything about her. I doubted I'd ever realized what I'd had until I'd lost it… lost her.

I wanted to hold her hands forever, I would be content to do nothing but that for the rest of my life. Obviously, this Josh didn't have the same objective. I saw him tilt his head as though he were about to kiss her.

I stepped into the room. "Oh, hi, Claire. I got to go to work, all right?"

"We should probably go too."

The boy grumbled. I had a distinct feeling he had absolutely no interest in heading off to save lives. However, I was quite certain my Claire had no interest in him staying here, so I bustled him out the door.

Then I bustled myself out. I bustled through the day, too. I was hoping the speed of my movements would keep me from thinking, a potentially painful activity. Okay, a definitely painful activity. My every thought was of her. I could trace her face in my mind to the last pore, I could envision her appearance from infancy to adulthood, the transitions and slow aging, her laugh, her smile, her tears…

Claire was everything. Oh, god, she was everything. I couldn't stand to lose her. And I had, I had. I needed her so much!

I needed to keep her safe. How could I do that? She didn't want me. She had chosen another over me. How could I stop him from hurting her? How could I make sure she was happy if her happiness didn't depend on me?

My personal pain was quite unimportant. I was petrified that this was going to harm her. I couldn't let her be hurt!

I didn't trust him around her. He wasn't exactly a lustful teenager, but he was definitely not mature enough to handle being around her unsupervised. She was so delicate, and he wouldn't realize that. She might be brave, but she was crumbling inside. I couldn't let him push her over the edge…

That was sort of how I pictured Claire. She lived, like all of us, on a plain above a cliff. What had happened to her as a child had pushed her off that edge, sent her careening down. She survived the fall, barely. With me, tossing her a rope, and through brute strength of will, she climbed back up.

It was a great triumph, but, unlike those of us who had lived our whole life on the ground, she well remembered the terrifying fall, and she was always near the precipice. Push too hard, and she might go careening off.

I was terrified that he would do that to her. But I salved that terror with a single thought.

_She did it once. And she can do it again._

Hard as it was, I simply had to trust her.

**REVIEW! **


	39. Chapter 39

**REVIEW! really, the fewer reviews i get, the more i drag on the agony.**

I kept the pain well-hidden on the rare occasions Claire and I were in the same house. I didn't want her to suffer. Couldn't let her suffer.

You see, I'd done some thinking. She had another reason than the obvious fear. That was an excuse. I knew her too well too believe she could be controlled by mere fear. There was something more. I didn't know what it was, but she would tell me when she was ready.

Until then I would wait. Had I not sworn to wait forever for her? Wait is exactly what I would do.

At least I had some consolation. I knew I had some love. But that was poor comfort when I saw the two of them, laughing. Or the guilt in her eyes…

I wondered how Bella survived. I'd seen her misery in Jake's memories…

Hers must have been worse. Not only her love, but the love of the one she loved, taken in one cruel moment. I can't imagine surviving such a thing.

No, I was not as strong as Bella. I was dying and I knew Claire loved me.

I couldn't take it! Help! Help! Ah, but there was no help. I had failed all those years ago, and this was the punishment.

I would endure it. Claire.

Claire.

I felt the gash in my soul widen. I wondered if the pain was even comprehensible to one who hadn't known it. Suddenly, I missed Bella Swan, no, Bella Cullen. My enemy, but a good friend. And I knew, I knew she would understand this.

Claire. Please, come back to me.

I could only entreat her silently- I would never be so cruel as to reveal my suffering soul. No, only my heart could beg for her sweet mercy, as daily it did.

I wanted nothing more than her. I wanted her more than the nothing that loomed, threatening, dark against the shining memories.

I knew she was safe. Shouldn't that be enough?

It should be, but it isn't… and she isn't happy. I can tell that from the look in her eyes when she sees me. I could make her happy.

But she doesn't want me to be the one. So I'll watch her suffer, if I must, anything. Anything. I would do anything for her.

I love her.

Why couldn't she understand? I couldn't live with out her.

I wanted to blame her sometimes, but I didn't have it in me. I couldn't loathe or despise her. My heart was so full of love there was no room for any other emotion. I couldn't bring myself to wish for her return. She would do what she needed.

I would wait. Forever, if necessary. I would always believe she would return to me, because otherwise I could not live. It was really as simple as that.

I loved her.

She was gone.

I couldn't move on.

I couldn't compel her to return.

So I would wait for her own desires to bring her back to my waiting arms. I would always, always be waiting.

**REVIEW**! **Oh, by the way, there are two versions of the next chapter. in short: josh proposes. what would you like to see claire say?**


	40. Chapter 40

**REVIEW! i think i'll keep angsty-making this story. the saddest chapters get the most reviews! or you could, you know, review the happy parts too.**

Sometimes the screams brought her into my room. That was the worst times- not the nightmares themselves, though they were horrific enough… their effects. When her tiptoed feet brought her often tired and sometimes still-uniformed face, glowing in the slivered light of the door-- that was unbearable. She never spoke, only stared in silent guilt at my face.

If only I didn't have nightmares. I didn't mind the terror and agony, so much as I minded what it was doing to her.

Claire, I am so sorry.

It was on just such a night that it happened. I was in my room. I managed to awake in something resembling silence, with only a gasp that belied the horror of my night. It was the same nightmare as always. I had failed again. She was being hurt. Yet there was a slight difference- when I stepped forward to help her, she refused. She wouldn't let me…

She didn't want me.

I collected myself, just in time to hear the whispers. Claire and Josh were sitting on the couch. I didn't like that, seeing as how it was two in the morning. I didn't approve of gentlemen callers after noon. I sighed at that. I didn't want to hold her back… but I didn't, couldn't, endure this.

And then I heard a comforting whisper. "Gee, it's that late? I hate being on call."

"I know… wait. Maybe Ellen has polycystic ovaries!"

"That could explain the fever…"

Thank god. They're only talking about medicine, not undying love. Or worse, actually physically engaging in undying love…

But I barely manage the thought before…. "Claire, will you marry me?"

Claire, Claire, please, no. I'll die, you'll kill me, no, no.

"No. I can't… it wouldn't be fair. I couldn't. Quil asked too, and I said no."

"Well, don't you love me more?"

There is a silence. "I'm sorry."

I was glad to hear those long-forbidden words.

"Claire, I feel like I'm being used."

"I'm sorry, but I am using you, I guess. Using you to find myself. I thought…"

"Oh, I knew. But a fellow can hope."

He stood. I heard the couch creak as he sat down, and Claire's little gasp.

I didn't reveal myself, but I stood… she might want me near. I had to see for myself.

I saw his lips press against hers, and I saw her stiffen. And I saw him change nothing.

Doesn't he know? Can't he tell? She's afraid!

No, Quil. Give him a chance…

He reaches his hands up the bottom of her shirt, inching his way up. I can see his fingers working themselves under the back of her bra like little worms.

"Stop," she whispered. Good for you.

And he doesn't! Strike two.

He stopped moving his fingers, but his hands are still in her clothes.

"I said stop."

"Don't worry, Claire. Just relax. I promise not to hurt you. Shh…"

The idiot kissed her again, and I see raw panic in her eyes. Time for me to make my entrance.

I stepped in suddenly, and prodded his shoulder. He whirled around.

"Josh. Touch Claire ever again without her express verbal permission and I will kill you. Let go of her this instant or I will kill you. You have fourteen seconds to make your permanent exit or you die, right here, right now. This is not an empty threat."

I kept my voice perfectly monotone, but I think the kid realized I'm going on seven feet tall.

"Claire…"

I pleaded silently. Don't, Claire. Don't do this. Don't give him another chance, please. Maybe he deserves it, but I won't survive it!

"I said to stop. You didn't. Don't… don't talk to me ever again."

"All right." He left. I saw delightful guilt on his face, with a healthy amount of fear.

"Did I do right, Claire?"

"Yes. Oh, Quil. Thank you, thank you. I was so scared and I was trying to be a grown-up and tell him instead of just shutting down, he's not you, I knew he wouldn't understand, but he wouldn't… he… you saved me again."

"He wouldn't have hurt you."

"He did. No, he would've stopped, but where? It was too much. I… thank you."

I looked at her perfection. Her eyes were aglow.

"I guess I owe you an explanation?"

"You don't owe me anything. The love you have is yours, and you may give it to whom you choose. I would be honored if that person were me."

"Don't be silly. I owe you so much… it was so stupid, Quil! All my reasons, and they all seem so silly now!"

"What reasons?" Why, why did you leave me?

"I thought… it's ridiculous."

"I won't laugh."

"All right. I was so tired at work, and so stressed, and I thought maybe you didn't want me, could live just fine without me… and I knew that wasn't true. And I was so scared. I know we weren't rushing… we've been together ten years and living together for twenty and you've never mentioned marriage, never tried to do more than kiss me… but I was scared to death you wouldn't want me. That it would change something and you wouldn't be there to save me next time… I guess now I know better. Whatever horrible things I do, you'll always be here for me…"

"I don't think death could keep me away."

"You don't know how much that means, to know you love me even after I hurt you. And then I felt so bad for Josh, and liked him, and was so tired and wanted to try, just try, being normal. I can't be normal with you… you hold my past. I can't leave you, though. I love you too much… I was dying, that whole time… I'm so sor…"

"No sorry."

She smiled. "I've missed that, when he'd apologize for some trivial thing or another. I missed you, Quil."

"I missed you."

Her face sobers. "I know. I really hurt you."

I can't lie to her. "Yes."

"And you forgive me?"

"I never blamed you."

"Yes."

"What?"

She snickered. Then it dawned on me. "You'll marry me?"

"Yes. There's no point in waiting forever- it's inevitable. We love each other so much. This was meant to happen."

I sprinted to my room and grabbed the ring. She places it delicately on her finger, where it twinkled like an angel's tears.

**REVIEW!**


	41. Chapter 41

**REVIEW! And i'm glad ya'll liked the last bit. tell you what, you keep those reviews coming and i keep this story happy, all right?**

"Claire."

I was taking pleasure in speaking her name without agony. That sweet syllable lingered on my tongue. "Claire."

"Just think, Quil. Soon, I'll be Claire Ateara… that sounds so nice. I like it better than Claire Uley. I never really got used to that."

"Dr. Claire Ateara. I like it a lot."

We smiled at each other. It felt wonderful.

And in that blissful moment I couldn't help wondering… what would have happened if he hadn't overstepped the boundary?

If I hadn't had the chance to save her…

I do not think she would have chosen me. I think she would have preferred to leave it all behind. Oh, she loves me- but she would rather accept herself.

She would not have chosen me.

She notices my shudder. But I am too entranced in the pain.

What would I have done?

I know exactly what. I would have stayed close to her. I would have watched her happiness and known I could not erase her sorrow. I would be at their wedding. I would see the birth of the children that should have been mine. I would always be there.

But I would be dying, dying within.

"Stop it," she whispers. "I know what you're thinking, and it isn't true. I love you."

"Thank you." I don't believe her. I cannot bring myself to, though I want nothing more in the world. It will take some time before I really know I can keep her by my side. I catch sight, then, of her tiny hand, with the stone I rather tastefully selected twinkling on a delicate finger.

It is entrancing. I cannot keep my eyes of this token. It seems to be the truest thing in the world- her beauty, her perfection, which I want more than anything, which she has, oh, thanks to god, chosen to share with me. I will never take anything from her. I can't be normal like he can, but Claire doesn't need normal. She needs me.

She needs me. Not as much as I need her, but some, at least. I will always be what she needs.

Maybe she would have chosen me… no, she wouldn't. I can't help but relish in the victory. I feel like the lucky survivor of a great disaster. I came so close to losing everything, and yet everything I've ever wanted has been given to me.

Would that this moment could last forever…

She smiles at me. "Shall we set a date?"

"Greedy for another ring, are we?"

"You know me too well…"

"How about this summer?" Six months. It would be long. And painful. But glorious, of course, if the time was spent with her.

"Sooner. The spring, I always thought weddings should be in spring. We'll have to hurry… but I think you've done enough waiting."

"Thanks." Three months. The hours will be agony. She cannot be all mine fast enough.

And I can picture it so perfectly. Claire, radiant, radiant, waiting for me in white, the ring twinkling, her smile eclipsing it indescribably… the rest of the world doesn't matter. She is the only important thing.

**REVIEW!**


	42. Chapter 42

**REVIEW! **

"Claire. Claire, I want to speak to you."

She had just arrived home, and was tired. But she was always tired, since she spent twelve hours a day working, six hours on call, and only six of guaranteed unbroken sleep. I couldn't wait until she retired to talk about this. We'd be old by then.

"Of course. What is it?" She didn't stop putting her jacket up and her shoes away, but she visibly relaxed at the sound of my voice. I wondered whether the effect I had on her felt as wonderful as how she changed me by her mere presence.

You're stalling, Quil. Bad, bad, bad werewolf.

I didn't want to scare her with this, really I didn't, but I had to ask. Maybe I would be surprised. Maybe I would get what I wanted more than anything… except her happiness. Maybe this could even be her happiness.

"After we get married. Do you ever want to have kids?"

She appeared utterly blown away. Her jaw literally dropped. Her surprise didn't surprise me… I rarely was so… forward. I tried to be a little more delicate. She was easily scared. But I was dying to know whether or not she wanted this, what her plan was, what exactly our marriage meant to her. I knew what it meant to me. "I don't know. If you do, I'd like to. I haven't actually given it that much thought. Yeah, I would. I'd like to. I want to have… your children."

The way she says that falls into my stomach like a punch. Not bad, of course. There's something about the old-fashioned phrasing that makes it almost hard to breathe. "All right. You do realize that…"

"I took health in sixth grade, Quil. I understand how babies are made, really I do."

She usually becomes this sarcastic when she's about to tell me something I really, really want to hear. I could scarcely stand it. I prodded her gently around.

"And…"

"And I'll be your wife. I trust you. I guess we could probably figure out a way to have kids without actually… y'know. There are ways to do it without actually _doing it._ You don't even need a doctor if both the man and the woman are fertile, and I have no reason to believe we aren't. I could probably get myself artificially pregnant right here. But I'm not sure I want to."

My fluttering stomach drops through my knees. She wanted me… after it all. After everything that had happened, she trusted me. "I will treat that trust just as gently as it deserves."

"Thanks. I'll see you in the morning. I'm going to bed."

"All right."

She felt just the same. She saw our future together just the same as I did. She wanted to be everything I wanted, just as I would be everything she would allow me to be. Always, always…

I tried very hard to think about how much I liked what she'd agreed to… just how much I wanted to be with her physically…

Yeah, not working. But just as enthralling as her beauty was that she wanted to make something of our love, a child that would always be a sign of how much we loved each other.

**REVIEW**!


	43. Chapter 43

**REVIEW! **

"I was planning to invite them anyway. Of course." I choked out the words, but I got them out. It was the truth…

The creature's eyes widened. She has a terribly earnest looking face for a blood-sucking monster. "I was expecting to have to beg."

I regarded her, trying to keep the loathing, the struggle, out of my voice. Every instant I was in her presence, I wanted, no, needed, to attack. It was a compulsion, an instinct.

But I couldn't very well phase here, in a North Carolina movie theatre. "Your pleading doesn't interest me. Go."

"Thank you. We owe you."

"No, you don't. Your leader saved my Claire." A favor to her, even just a good doctor's practiced eye, is a debt I can never repay. A friend of Claire's is a friend of mine, no matter what manner of vile thing they are.

"Very well." She turned to leave.

"Wait. Can… could Bella come?"

"To your wedding? Do you think that's wise?"

"I'd like to talk to her, Alice." It may be the first time I'd ever called a leech by the names they give themselves.

"I suppose I could tell her you'd like to see her. She misses the pack, you know."

She was one of us. And now she was one of them. "Maybe not at the wedding. But she's welcome."

"I'll let her know. Thank you."

She disappeared. I was left to wonder when on EARTH I'd started doing favors for bloodsuckers.

I had just placed the life of a bunch of monsters over that of an innocent girl. It didn't matter how long she had to live. Leeches lie all the time. Sam was going to give me _hell_ for this. They'd have loved an excuse to wipe out the vampires, and, ordinarily, so would I.

Yet I had seen something in inhuman topaz eyes… it was devotion. Love. I knew what it was to be without it. I couldn't do that to anyone, monstrous nemesis or no…

Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, literally.

Isn't that what I've just proven?

Kyle sticks his head in the door. "Dude, who was the chick?"

"An old vampiric acquaintance of mine."

"Dude. You know I don't know what that means."

"Yes, I gathered."

The teen rolled his eyes. "Well, bye. I got customers, you know."

"I'm aware, yes." I was not certain why I was being so unpleasant. It probably had to do with the fact that I've just agreed to let a vampire kill a girl.

It reminded me of the nameless girl facedown on the forest floor. Who loved her? Who loved the one who'd be killed?

I felt guilty, yes. But I couldn't help wondering what it would do to the leeches. Human they might not be, but they had to have some kind of conscience, otherwise they would simply murder mindlessly.

I was overthinking this, probably. This was my enemy. But maybe… maybe it was time somebody stepped back and thought, "All these years of fighting. What for? Because they smell bad?"

I needed to talk to my pack.

**REVIEW!**


	44. Chapter 44

**REVIEW! one more chapter before the wedding.**

"Quil, what the _hell_?"

"Alice Cullen…"

"No, I heard you. Why on earth would you think…"

"I saw her eyes, Sam. You may believe she has no soul, but I don't. I know she loves her mate like we love ours."

"But she's our enemy."

"I know."

"A killer."

"She's never killed anyone."

"But her kind is made to murder! You're turning into a leech-lover on me, Quil."

I growled into the phone. "Don't you dare, Sam. If it weren't for them, you never would have imprinted. Look at it that way."

There is a brief silence. I swore I could hear Sam swallowing his pride all the way from Forks. "I guess that's true. Maybe we shouldn't hate them. But we do."

"That's true."

"We're going to come, Quil. And we won't take revenge on the Cullens."

"Thanks."

I didn't know why I cared, but I did.

"See you, brother."

"See you soon." He disconnected.

Claire walked up behind me as I placed the phone on the table, massaging my suddenly aching forehead. "Hey, Quil."

"I love you." I stood, turned, and wrapped my arms around her.

She laughed. "All my friends are always whining about their relationship problems. They don't know how to express affection, they're never noticing them, they never do anything romantic, all they want is to get in your pants… good thing I don't have to worry about any of that."

She has no idea how glad I am I can make her happy. "Glad I can make it easy for you."

She laughed again. "My biggest problem in our relationship is me and all my baggage. You're perfect."

"No, you are."

"Thanks."

This time I am the one who giggles. She joins in quickly. Then, as the laughter fades, she wraps her arms around my shoulders and stands on her tiptoes, up to reach my lips. She kissed me.

"I love you," she whispered.

The three most perfect words in the world. I couldn't believe they were true, that Claire really did love me of all the people in the world. I was enough. I had been chosen by the earthly angel, the pinnacle of creation's arts, the one for whom the universe had been wrought.

Yes, I loved her too, but there was so much more than I could put into words.

She was everything, everything in the world. As close as I could be to her, I still wanted to be closer. I wanted to be one with her perfection… and she had agreed to be mine forever.

Three weeks. "I can't wait until our wedding."

"Neither can I. It seems silly to wait at all, doesn't it? Like this is such a formality. Even though I was being an idiot and leaving you just a few weeks before we got engaged… now it seems like this is how it's supposed to be."

"That's how it's always seemed to me."

"I haven't made this easy for you. I know that. I wish I could have… I wish you hadn't had to wait."

I answer the forbidden, and thus unspoken, apology. "I wasn't waiting, not really. We had a different relationship then, one just as special. I don't regret a minute I've spent with you."

"Thank you, for everything."

"Thank you for being everything."

She laughed again. "Silly Quil. You're such a romantic fool."

"And proud to be it, so long as I'm yours."

"You are."

A silence dawned in the room. Quietly, Claire smiled up at me, and I saw a bright future of pleasant contentment lying ahead.

**REVIEW!**


	45. Chapter 45

**Wedding begins next chapter. aren't you excited? 'cause i am! oh, and i apologize for how ridiculously mushy this is.**

_Claire, I love you. You are now and forever the world to me. When the bright day comes that will bind us together forever, I will be honored to tell this to the world. _

_ I remember the first day I met you. How could I not?_

_ Even then, you were beautiful._

_ You captivated me in that moment, and I never wish to be released. _

_ Then, in those first days, I so clearly recall your smile. When you were an innocent child, before I failed you… that smile was so pure and so bright. I remember the power of it, Claire. And the first time I heard you laugh… it was like an angel singing, like a tiny silver bell, Claire._

_ I remember the first time that precious voice said my name. It was so sweet and small. I remember wishing that look on your face, the one that said nothing more complex than a baby's love, would never fade._

_ And yet I also dreamed of things to come._

_ The day I had to leave you, I died, Claire. My heart was ripped out with your tiny weeping face, the last whispered words we shared. If I had known, I never would have… I would beg forgiveness, but after all these years I still don't deserve it, and I never will. _

_ I left you because I thought you deserved a normal life and normal loves. It's the same reason you left me… and both those occasions brought us nothing short of agony._

_ I don't know all of what you suffered in those dark years, angel. I can't. You've told me as much as either of us can bear… I know. I am so proud, you know that, don't you? How you, not I, rescued yourself… you are strong, Claire. You are the strongest person I know. _

_ I admire you. I worship you. I love you._

_ The day I found you was the best and the worst of my life. The best because the aching agony of five long years was quenched, and the worst because I realized your pain._

_ I am so glad that I am a werewolf, Claire. I am so glad I could kill him. _

_ I made a promise that day. I would never allow you to be hurt again. I have done my best to keep it… but life is pain, and I want you to live, too._

_ We have been together. We have been apart. But the togetherness is what is meant by heaven. We are supposed to love one another. It is a beauty strong enough the whole universe might have been wrought merely that we two might share it. _

_ Magic or none, monster or no, I hold I would have loved you anyway. Our spirits are twined in a way stronger than even imprinting. I adore you. _

_ You are precious. Wonderful, beautiful, strong, brave, and kind…_

_ I want to keep you safe and by my side, forever._

_ With all the love in the world,_

_ And forever your romantic fool,_

_ Quil._

I smiled as I placed the letter at the top of her pillow. We were moving out tomorrow. Claire and I would share a bed in our new home, a development I approved of in the extreme.

She smiled in her sleep as though she could hear my thoughts.

I stroked her soft cheek, and I loved her.

That was all there was to say.

**REVIEW!**


	46. Chapter 46

**THEY"RE GETTING MARRIED!**

The world was colored white the day I married Claire. It was the color and shape and very nature of heaven itself.

There was a long aisle. I had rented Duke Chapel. Claire worked for their hospital, so we got a substantial discount.

The beautiful old building shone with morning's light. It was exquisite, really.

I remembered well her smile the first time she'd seen this place. I wanted to recreate that expression a thousand times, nay, for eternity. She should smile forever.

It was only right that the most precious thing in the world be granted such perfect bliss as my weak abilities could devise.

I straightened my tie. I was very, very nervous. Not any fear of commitment. I was afraid I would somehow fail to be enough, as I always was. I feared this would not bring her the joy it was already bringing me.

I walked through the door, and began to wait.

This part of the ceremony wasn't exactly my favorite. Claire had decided to go the traditional route, with me not seeing her until the actual ceremony. Of course, I had deferred to her wishes. Now I was waiting. Standing and waiting and hoping she would get here soon…

Maybe she was frightened again. Maybe she'd leave again and this time never come back…

I barely saw the faces of the guests as they assembled, the arrival of every person I loved besides her.

Jacob was best man. Embry wasn't particularly pleased with that, but he'd consented. The old schoolgirl friends of Claire's, Kati, Aliea, and Tina, were the bridesmaids.

And of all the people in the world, Isabella Cullen was the maid of honor.

Bella had taken me seriously on my invitation, and she and Claire had instantly connected. I didn't like that leech so close to my angel, but she was Bella and a leech, so I could overlook the fault… if Claire wanted me to.

In fact, the entire Cullen clan was there. Instead of devouring the innocent girl who smelled too good for her own good, they were at my wedding. Sam's idea, not mine.

Embry, Jared, Colin, Brady, and Seth were the groomsmen. Sam was, however, playing "father of the bride".

Claire had only shuddered a little when that tradition was brought up… she wasn't much fond of being given away.

Emily was the matron of honor… I forgot to mention the birth of her first child a few years ago. Little Leah was four, and she was pleased as punch to be the flowergirl.

Also in attendance were the other imprintees, Leah, the parents of the pack, and what appeared to be the entire staff of Duke Hospital.

Claire's mother came, sitting soberly in the back. Her sister, who I hadn't seen since she was five, was also there, but she planted herself front and center.

They were all distractions. Even the distinctive reek of vampire couldn't distract me from the pain of the waiting.

The organ began to play, a deep sinuous music that wound up the walls and sang the very stones alive.

The great oaken door swung open.

**REVIEW!**


	47. Chapter 47

**They're... _still_**** getting married.**

She froze for an instant, only an instant, a painful pause that stretched so briefly into agonized indecision…

She was afraid. That was only natural. A bit of jitters. But Claire was never one to be frightened of fear.

"I, Claire Uley, do take Quil Ateara to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, until death do us part."

The old black-garbed priest smiled. "I now pronounce you man and wife."

She threw back the veil. It was like the sun coming out.

"You may kiss the bride."

I closed the distance between us in a second. I kissed her then, really kissed her, my arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer.

Neither of us pulled away to breathe. This was far more essential than air. She was the most important thing.

Her lips were soft and smooth. I wished desperately that this moment would never end.

Man and wife.

One being.

Until the day we died, and then we would be together in whatever life is after.

Forever.

In the eyes of the law and everyone else… it was nice and official, stamped and sealed and filed on our tax returns…

The whole world knew that Claire and I were one, that we loved like no one else, that we meant to never leave each other. Never again would we have to be alone.

Finally, the need for oxygen combined with the impatient shuffling of the crowd's feet motivated me to pull my lips from hers for a brief instant. I slipped a second, slender ring onto her finger, and she returned the favor.

The bands, for the curious, were identical. They were perhaps an eight of an inch thick, plain gold, shining polished and smooth. There was no decoration on the exterior. However, on the inside of Claire's I'd gotten an inscription. I wondered idly how long it would be until she found the words.

_Thank you, Claire, for being the world to me. I love you more than you can imagine._

We'd decided together on the rings, but I snuck hers back to the jeweler's.

A little more special. Maybe it would be years from now, but I looked forward to the day she discovered the small token of my immense love.

I twisted the ring on my finger and offered Claire my arm. She took it, and we began the brief walk across campus.

We were having a reception, at Embry's insistence, sponsored by the pack members current and former. I didn't object too hard, but I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea. "Cool it," he'd said. "The bride's parents are supposed to pay for everything, and you know that isn't precisely an option."

I glowered at him for that.

He'd merely given me his famed, "You don't want to get me in trouble" smile.

Claire looked up at me, and any other thoughts became impossible. This was my wife. Another part of me. I was one with the most important, the most precious, the most adored and adorable being on earth.

"My god, Claire, I love you."

"I love you too."

The fire blossomed in my heart as she looked into my eyes.

Finally, finally, after so many years, we knew.

We would never be apart again, never be alone.

And together, we would always be content.

**REVIEW**!


	48. Chapter 48

**Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce for the very first time, Mr. and Dr. Quil and Claire Ateara!**

Contentment seemed rather a weak way to describe my current state of mind.

Euphoria, perhaps, or bliss, might be the better term.

Her hand lay almost casually in mine. It was unfamiliar. Physical contact between us was usually premeditated and careful. Now, she touched me like it didn't really matter. Of course, it did.

Everything she did mattered.

I heard her whisper something indistinct.

"What was that, sweetheart?"

"Claire Ateara. Just trying out my new name. I like it."

"So do I… more than you could possibly understand." It sounded so right.

We were almost there now, and Jake and Embry held open the great doors to the Reynolds building, where we would have our reception.

For once, they didn't make any sarcastic cracks, just smiled hugely. Embry whispered something to Claire, and she laughed a little.

We walked through the doors. A song was playing, soft and strong.

_Grow old along with me_

_The best is yet to be_

_When our time has come_

_We will be as one_

I knew the song. "Can we dance?" I asked Claire, and she nodded. As we stepped onto the floor, I whispered the next line…

_God bless our love_

_God bless our love _

I remembered my life before Claire, dark, empty. Oh, it had its bright points. There were days worth living for. But nothing like this.

And now we would be together forever.

_Grow old along with me_

_Two branches of one tree_

_Face the setting sun_

_When the day is done_

_God bless our love_

_God bless our love _

We wouldn't live forever. This moment could not dwell always. We were no vampires. Eventually our lives would come to a close. The sun would fall toward the horizon, blackness overcoming, consuming.

But until the day we died, we would be together.

That was really all that mattered.

_Spending our lives together_

_Man and wife together_

_World without end_

_World without end _

Remind me to thank whoever picked this song. Man and wife. Together. Always together. And the world we had created, where our love, where each other, was the only thing that mattered- that would not end when we died. That would always be part of the universe, intangible, yet extant.

Love does not end when lovers perish- not with a love this true.

_Grow old along with me_

_Whatever fate decrees_

_We will see it through_

_For our love is true_

_God bless our love_

_God bless our love_

Perhaps fate had not been kind to us, but I couldn't see it that way. No, it was not all roses and rainbows, but life wasn't supposed to be perfect. I'd much rather only I had to suffer, yet we had both grown when we had pain.

And in the end, everything was well.

Because it ended here, with her in my arms.

I allowed the notes to fade into silence as I lost myself in the sensation of holding her.

She was very delicate, almost fragile. Her face was perfect. I did not know whether someone else would consider Claire beautiful, because to me she was how beauty should be defined.

She was mine. It was official, signed and witnessed with a copy in the state office. I was hers. We were one.

That was all I had ever wanted.

**REVIEW!**


	49. Chapter 49

**wow, still at the wedding. hope you all haven't forgotten about this story!**

The party was really quite lovely. If I'd been interested in paying any attention to it at all, I would have had the time of my life.

Unfortunately, I was too busy staring at Claire.

She was mine? This girl, woman, angel, was mine, forever?

It was incomprehensible. Such a gift was too great to understand.

The music swelled again, this time a soaring instrumental, played on a piano imported for the purpose, as dinner was brought out.

I was hungry- of course- though not particularly interested in eating.

I noted that the musician was the mind-reading leech. Obviously, he was considerably less food-inclined than even the most preoccupied of werewolves.

As the salads are brought out, Sam stands up.

Toasts. A wedding tradition I was not looking forward to.

"Quil, my friend, I know I'm embarrassing the crap out of you, but you've returned the favor on several occasions. And I just want to say… I've seen you and Claire from the very beginning, and it was always meant to be. I know it will last forever. So here's the best of wishes to you, my brother and my dear friend."

I could slug him, but Claire is grinning, so I forgive the indignity. The next to stand is Emily. I note with surprise that her hair is turning white- and I am certain that Sam hasn't noticed. This will be us in twenty years. I observed the way Sam looked at her, and I knew time could change nothing. That was even more meaningful than Emily's words… "Claire, sweetheart, you are such a bright star. When you were a baby, I knew you would live for something great. And you have. I see how happy you are- as happy as I am…" Sam smiled here, so brightly, "and I know you've fulfilled all the potential. When you have someone who loves you, you have something to live for. I'm so happy for you, dearest."

She sat, smiling kindly at Claire. I had for so long seen Emily through Sam's eyes, as someone adored- not by me- and precious, that I hadn't realized something I saw clearly right now. She was the closest thing Claire had ever had to a mother.

I owed her for that.

I could never repay the debts to all the people who'd helped her heal…

To my shock, the next standing was Carlisle. Another assistant in the quest to help Claire. "Hello, Quil, Claire. I am honored you invited me today. I must admit I was somewhat surprised… but the more important thing is what even an outsider like myself can see. You love each other. I can personally vouch for the fact that feeling love like that is enough to guide you through many years- or forever. My congratulations to both of you."

Touching, for a leech. I hoped, however, that the rest of the bloodsuckers didn't take this as an invitation to rise.

They didn't.

But someone no more welcome, in my opinion, did.

**REVIEW!**


	50. Chapter 50

**wedding almost over now, i SWEAR! just two more chapters and they'll leave on their honeymoon. ;)**

Lina Denson was smiling as she rose. "Claire." She paused, looked around the room of unfamiliar and hostile eyes, and gulped. She had never been much of a hero, and I doubted anything could change. She couldn't be comfortable… but I didn't particularly care about the comfort of such a person.

"Claire. My baby. I know I don't have any right. I was never the mother I should have been. I don't know anything about you, and I've played no part in making you the beautiful woman you are today. But when I stand here, I can't help but be grateful. I've gotten very lucky, and I am blessed with such a fantastic child. Even if I didn't help you in any way, you are still a credit to me. And know I love you, and I hope that you can be happy. I hope Quil can make up the damage I did… and Quil, I was never fair to you. You're right. I knew. And it is my fault. And I'm so sorry…"

Her voice had gone from kind to breaking in those sentences. She sounded so unsure, so sad, almost weeping. I thought she was going to cry. That would be intolerable… she looked so much like Claire.

This cryptic speech had probably confused the heck out of Claire's friends and colleagues, but if she didn't mind, I didn't.

Claire looked around desperately and then stood. "I want to thank each and every one of you. Mommy, I have to tell you, no child has ever gotten over the debt they owe to their mother. I literally would not be here without you. I love you." Lina collapsed into the chair, breaking down in tears. Claire's sister, seated stiffly beside her, turned to her mother for what I could tell was the first time in years and awkwardly patted her back.

"Emily, Sam, you are exactly what I want to be. Mature, and dependable, and loving, and in love. When I am your age, I want to be so happy… not that you're old or anything." Emily laughed. "Carlisle, it's been seventeen years since the last time I saw you. You probably have no idea of this, but I became a doctor mostly because of how kind you were to me, those first days. You and Quil were the only people I trusted at all. And I want to thank you. If I can make as much of a difference in one patient's life as you did in mine, I will have a full life."

Claire, you have not made a difference in my life- you have made my life.

"And Quil. Darling Quil. Dear, sweet, beloved Quil. You are everything to me. You have been so good. You loved me without asking for anything in return. You give me so much. You love me in a way most people are never lucky enough to experience, and I am proud today to be your wife. I love you so much."

I have no words to express the feeling. Instead, I looked into her face and smiled. It's probably my turn to make a speech, so I stood. I kept it simple, though.

"Every person here, thank you, because if it hadn't worked out exactly like it did, I might not be lucky enough to stand here today and call Claire my wife. It hasn't always been perfect, but it's been good. And all's well that ends well… and this is the best ending in the world. Claire, my angel, my love, thank you. I love you more than you can imagine, and I always will."

I sat down, surprised to hear clapping begin. Embarrassed, I turned to the food, until Claire sat beside me, tapped my on the shoulder, and whispered in my ear, "Thank you."

Then I could look bravely out and smile at the people.

**REVIEW**!


	51. Chapter 51

**last chapter of the wedding.**

I enjoyed the party immensely, I must say. Everything was absolutely lovely, especially Claire…

The food was excellent. Men in white shirts and crisp black pants brought steak, mashed potatoes, and crisp green beans to me. Claire had the second option, some array of attractively framed vegetables with a sauce the color of my skin.

I stared as she ate. I couldn't help it. As I wolfed (literally) down my food, she was chewing delicately. She speared each piece of the meal carefully, holding her fork like a pen rather than the weapon I welded it as.

She froze about halfway through the meal and looked up at me. "Quil, you're staring," she said.

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all." Then she laughs. "That sounded vain."

"If anyone has a right to be vain, it's you. Especially today, sweetheart."

"It's been a long time since you've called me that."

"Sweetheart. Darling. Angel. Love."

"Love, angel, music, baby…" This is Leah, humming on the other side of the table. I smiled at her. Sometimes she wasn't precisely the most tender person, but she was my sister, underneath it all.

"What's that?"

"A song. It was popular when I was about… thirteen, I think."

"So I wasn't even born yet?"

Leah laughed, a rare sound. She was fully included in the conversation now. "The wonderful thing about age diversification is that it really expands your tastes. Of course, that's a bit of a problem for me… I look like an eighteen year old and enjoy stuff that was popular about forty years ago. I always have to catch myself before I start thinking about the good old days, or reminiscing about them."

Leah had sworn to herself she would never stop phasing. She'd never gotten over Sam, not really, and that bitterness truly affected her. I had a pet theory she would someday imprint, but that until then, she'd remain clinging to the pack like her last hope, unable to admit how much she needed us.

She'd probably end up Alpha someday, if Embry ever quit. Perhaps it had been a bit misogynistic of us not to even consider her when Sam stopped phasing, but he hadn't suggested it. He and Emily tried not to think about Leah.

"I do that too. It's almost embarrassing, having to fill out a wedding certificate where one of us is twenty-seven and the other forty-one. I'm a cradle-robber."

Claire glared at me.

"Well, actually, when Lina ordered me away from you, I literally almost did rob the cradle… but let's not tell that story at parties."

This she didn't dignify with a response. Leah, on the other hand, laughed.

During this conversation, the meal had been finished. We would have dessert after the dancing started, which it did at the exact moment we rose.

Could this day be any more perfect?

The music was slow, fierce, beautiful instrumentals. Ironically, or amusingly, (I failed seventh grade language arts) the instruments were manned by the vampires. I guessed it was better than having them interact with our guests.

I danced with Claire for some time, though not nearly long enough. Her gown felt lovely underneath my hand, resting at the curve of her waist. The material was very nice, and even nicer was how close I could stand to her, and not have to fear her fear…

Because she was my wife.

"Claire, I love you," I whispered.

"I know," she answered.

I had to glower at her for three straight songs before she finally grinned and said, "I love you too, you idiot."

"That's all I want to hear," I said, and kissed her.

**REVIEW!**


	52. Chapter 52

**honeymoon!**

The rest of the evening went fairly quickly. I kissed her frequently, as I recall, and won ample smiles.

We had decided to go out of the country on our honeymoon, to an old castle in England that was costing me a year's salary.

Again, not that I minded.

Claire had booked the room, but under strict orders not to ask the cost. I suspected she had anyway, but I tried not to.

The entire party gathered as we stepped into the car (thanks again, Jake).

All the women crowded up front, and Claire faced them. She looked at the bouquet, smiling, and then to the people. She closed her eyes, spun, and threw. The white flowers zoomed through the air, over the crystal blue sky, and into a pair of waiting arms.

Leah laughed so hard she cried, or perhaps cried so hard she laughed, and hugged Emily tightly. I swore I made out the words, "I'm sorry," and "So am I," passing between the two as Leah held the pure bundle of forgiveness and hope close.

Stupid superstition, the flower throwing, but then again I used to think werewolves were a stupid superstition.

If it can make a difference to Leah's open wounds, you won't catch me complaining.

Claire waved to the people, and they cheered. I held the door for her, and she got in the car. I was ready.

We drove to the airport, smiling the whole time. I thought there was a fair chance my jaw would drop off from the grinning.

We talked a little, not much. Both of us were fairly delighted by how nicely everything had gone.

However, she was not particularly looking forward to the eight hour flight and four hour drive before our arrival at a bed. And Claire was probably much less fond of that dress than I was at the moment.

Yes, she was flying to Europe in the wedding dress. I'd spoken to someone about it, and the young woman thought it was terribly romantic. She directed me to a special plane with gigantic seats that I could rent for just the two of us. It could also land directly at the hotel, a place called Thornbury Castle, cutting travel time in half. Claire didn't know this, of course.

Surprises are wonderful, whether or not she hates them.

I grinned at that, and Claire asked, "What is it?"

"Nothing," I taunted.

"Please tell me."

I looked resolutely at the road. I couldn't resist her, and she knew it. Grrr.

"Fine, don't. I'll get it out of you, though."

"Of course you will."

We rode in a perfect silence for a while, eventually getting out of the car at the airport. I escorted Claire through security, trying to help the inconvenience as much as possible. She tried to get me to leave her alone, but I refused.

Everyone seemed rather interested in our wedding finery.

"So, what gate is it?" she asked, and I finally couldn't contain my mirth.

"Let me show you."

I guided her to the little-used gate farthest down an obscure hallway, where the tiny plane waited.

She smacked me. "Quil!"

"It's our honeymoon. I didn't want you to muss your dress, and it's such a tradition to show up in the clothes… please?"

"You stink."

"I already paid."

She eyed the plane critically. "All right."

I took her hand and walked her to the very comfortable and sizeable interior.

She sat comfortably a ways away, smiling at me the entire ride. I was pleased to have won her forgiveness, of course. I also enjoyed the ride. It was very… weightless. Quite pleasant, to be in the air free without the usual cramped seats and lack of leg room.

There were two other people, the pilot locked in his cabin and a stewardess who brought us cocktails and a bowl of snack mix. Neither ate.

I realized this was the first time Claire had left the country. I'd been to Canada as a kid, but I doubted Claire's father was one for educational trips.

The thought of Jack Denson could still make me cringe almost twenty years after I'd killed the man.

Eventually, Claire came to sit beside me, resting her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her beside me. I wondered if she was warm there… my skin would always burn with the speed of my werewolf metabolism, ready to phase if needed. Until the day I died, I'd be able to turn into a wolf if she needed me too.

I had accepted what I was, but I wondered if she ever thought about it.

The plane landed smoothly on a long runway lined with green. The trees were small and arced over us. The grass was manicured, absolutely tiny, like someone had cut them with fingernail clippers.

I offered Claire my arm. The stewardess followed us with the obese suitcases I'd prepared. We strolled up to the building. There was only one way to describe it.

It was a castle.

The crumbling turrets were of grey stone, and had small arrow slits, ready to defend from attack. The walls were tall and smooth, maintained beautifully.

And the place was huge, not in the sky-scraper way, more in the way that seemed like everything in it would be gigantic.

There was a suit of armor in the tiny lobby. An energetic red-haired woman explained that it had been modeled after armor belonging to King Henry the Eighth, who'd visited here. Two children visiting in the last year had nicknamed it Aaron, after the boy.

The name stuck. Claire was delighted by the whole experience, and so was I. However, there'd be plenty of time to enjoy this place later. Right now, we were both eager to check out a bed (and a toilet).

She took us to our room. It was called the Queen Anne room, with a carving on the door and a lock of ridiculous size. There was an actual key, at least a foot long and made of what couldn't really be solid gold, but was putting up a good front.

The room was gorgeous, tapestried with pale gold walls. There were two huge windows valanced in red fabric, a walk-in closet, a pair of ivory armchairs and a waiting decanter of brandy.

The carpet was thick, and there was a rose on the bed.

The one bed.

Claire smiled. "Wow. This is really something."

"Claire… there's only one bed."

She laughed. "I noticed. It's kind of hard to miss."

"Claire…" I didn't know what to say. My mouth was very dry with an emotion I interpreted, not without surprise, as nervousness.

"I just _married_ you, Quil. We're on our honeymoon. They don't _make_ honeymoon suites with two beds. And it's plenty big enough."

That I couldn't argue with.

Claire noted my speechlessness and opened the closet, reaching for the top of her dress. "Help me with this."

"What?"

She gave me an are-you-really-that-stupid look. "Help me get the dress off. I can't reach the zipper, and I don't want the dress to get ruined. Our daughter can wear it at her wedding."

I stared for an instant. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

If she was nervous, she showed no sign of it. I walked to Claire and gently tugged the zipper down.

**REVIEW**!


	53. Chapter 53

**honeymoon!**

The dress fell easily to the floor. She quickly scooped it up and placed it carefully on one of the carved, ornate hangers. I gulped.

She still had some elaborate undergarments on. It was far less actual skin than I'd seen, say, when she went swimming, but it was somehow more private.

She began to unlace the front of her corset-like shirt.

I looked down. I couldn't believe this was happening. This was the woman I worshipped. She was the whole world to me… and had been for twenty-five years.

I couldn't believe this was happening… did I already say that? I was more than a little distracted at the moment. Lust, definitely, but something more… it's hard to explain. When someone is that important…

At the very core, imprinting is the urge to protect. Keep her safe. Keep her safe, whatever you do. Keep her safe.

Sam had a theory it's an evolutionary strategy… he wasn't much one for legends. Science can explain it all. If you fight for a whole tribe of people, that's one thing. But if all the power and strength of your soul is focused on one person, you fight a hell of a lot harder.

The need to protect eventually turns to worship. If it's so important to have her safe, she herself becomes desperately important. Protection, not just from the ancestral threat, but from every harm, is paramount.

And to do that, you have to be close to her. It is important more than anything else, to know she is safe.

Imprinting isn't necessarily romantic, really… it just turns into that heartbreak is another kind of pain, and you can't stand to see her hurt in any way, and if you can keep her safe by offering her your heart… well, it's hers.

And she's so important, special and precious and delicate, that the closer you become to her, the paragon of all virtues, the better you yourself become.

Right now, as I rambled on in my head, I was about to be closer to her than I had ever dreamed to imagine. That terrified me. I was deeply unworthy of it, and I feared I would disappoint her.

I had no experience with this… none at all, and it was important. I had to make this special and wonderful for her, I couldn't scare her, I couldn't let this be anything less than perfect, and I had no idea how to make that happen.

She took the corset off. I bit my lip, hard enough that it hurt.

"Are you just going to stand there and watch me take my clothes off?"

"Do you need help?" Help is good. I know how to help Claire. That I'm good at.

She glared at me. "I don't need help. I get my pants off fine every night. I'd like some kind of reaction, though."

"Claire…" I said… it came out sort of like a moan, embarrassingly.

"That's sort of what I was looking for on the first take." She grinned, and I couldn't help but smile back.

It is the first time I had seen her naked since she was ten years old, and then I was more worried about the bruises than anything else.

Now she wasn't a terrified child. She's a woman, standing confidant and sure, right in front of me. Obviously, I was expected to do something. Unfortunately, the only thing I could recall how to do was stand and stare.

She muttered some form of expletive and walked over to me. "Quil, what's wrong? Do you not want to do this?"

"I want it more than I've ever wanted anything else."

"Then what?"

I looked down at the floor. I couldn't admit it.

"Are you _scared_?"

I looked further down. My, it's a very pretty rug. Inches thick, luxurious…

"That's it. You're scared? Quil…" She shook her head. "That's kind of sweet."

"I'm worried I'll hurt you. I could… Claire, if you get nervous… I might phase… I could get so angry, remembering him and what he did to you and I could hurt you."

A potential concern. Troubling. Not crippling, like my real fear.

"Don't lie to me."

Claire knows me too well.

"You're going to think it's silly."

"If I promise not to laugh, will you tell me?"

I sighed. "Of course."

"I promise not to laugh."

"I'm afraid I won't… I've never done this before."

Her mouth hung open a little bit. She seemed almost sad. It was a puzzling emotion. "Quil… do you really think this makes a difference? What happens now isn't going to change that I love you, and that you love me. Let's try it, all right?"

"All right."

I finally found the strength to walk to her, placing one hand on her waist, kissing her gently. She smiled against my lips, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, then inching her hands down. The buttons of my shirt were undone.

Her hands felt like ice on my bare skin, but they left a burning trail behind them. I smiled and picked her up, hitching her legs around my waist and putting her down on the bed.

For a moment, I just looked at her… so beautiful. It was truly incredible. That of all the women in the world, this was the one I was meant for… the one that was mine. None of us were sure whether imprinting was destiny or chance, but either Lady Luck or the Fates had been most kind to me.

"I love you," I murmured, for the thousandth time that day.

"I love you too," she answered, and I could hear the strength and surety burning in the words, burning into my heart.

I circled the hair around her head, gently twirling it around one finger. Her black hair was beautiful on the thick white sheets, but not so much as her smile. My other hand traced gently down her jaw, over her soft lips which pressed a kiss on my passing fingers, and down her neck.

She smiled wider.

I moved my hand over her collarbone.

She didn't flinch, or recoil, or show any sign of fear. I traced her breast with one hand and gasped. I'd never really thought I'd get this far…

"Quil…"

This time the smile was mine.

Her skin was very soft, all over her stomach and hips. I bent my head to her stomach.

She froze.

I moved away. Like that very first kiss, there was no choice. I would never be the cause of her pain.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just need a minute." And then she burst into tears.

**REVIEW!**


	54. Chapter 54

**wasn't planning on updating this quickly. so review!**

"Claire! What's wrong?"

She didn't answer, just winced away from me.

"I'm so sorry. Sweetheart, what did I do wrong? What is it? Please, please…"

Please forgive me. I only wanted to make you happy.

She pulled the sheet over herself, turning away. She clutched her knees, hugging her body into a ball, and wept. It had been years since I'd seen her this way.

"Claire? Oh, sweetie, please, say something."

"I'm so sorry!" It was a howl more than an apology.

"Not sorry. Never sorry, honey. Don't we have a deal?"

She snuffled and tried to smile. She failed quite miserably.

"Claire, Claire, you can tell me. What did I do?"

"Stop blaming yourself. Please. It's my fault. I just got scared. I want this too. I'm trying, I've been trying for so long, to be so big and brave and grown-up and underneath everything I'm scared."

It was good. After all this time, that she could finally deal with her feelings and her fear. It was healthy, it was right, it was what had to happen. But it hurt like hell to lie here in bed next to the woman I loved and watch her fall apart.

"I'm scared, not for any real reason. I'm scared because I don't ever know when or why, but sometimes I'm not myself anymore… I'm the person I was during those years… and you don't know… oh, Quil, it was so awful. You saved me, from such terrible things, and yet all these years later I can't be what you need from me…"

"Claire, listen to me. This isn't about me. Nothing in our relationship is about what I need. I will be exactly what you need. That's what's important. Nothing else."

"I wish you… Quil, I wish this could be my first, too."

I understood exactly what she meant. "It is. In every way that matters, it is. Now, what exactly did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Okay." I moved closer to her. The tears shimmered on her face, only adding to her beauty with the brightness of her eyes and the perfection of her trembling lips.

I kissed her, and her body relaxed. The clenched muscles calmed for a brief instant, and then she pulled me close.

I stroked her face, her shoulder, her chin. She smiled. I stroked her stomach, her cheek, the edge of her hip. She smiled again.

I kissed away the tears on her face. "Claire, I will always love you, and I will never hurt you. Do you believe me?"

"Yes."

That word was all it took. If she trusted me, if she loved me, everything else in the world would work out.

She clung to me, almost desperate, and kissed me again.

We were ready for this. We were ready for everything. No matter what happened, we could do it. From her, I had found the confidence to know I was what she needed.

That, in the end, mattered the most.

I traced the shape of her shoulder and sighed.

**REVIEW!**


	55. Chapter 55

**hee. hee.**

**oh, right, you want a real a/n. not just me giggling. anyway, if you're offended by adult content (okay, specifically sex) then first, what are you doing reading an m-rated story, and second, skip this chapter, it's not really taht important.**

**review. this chapter is OVER THREE THOUSAND WORDS. longest chapter ever in this story.**

**plus, i'm really insecure about it, since let's just say this isn't my area of expertise.**

I didn't want to say this. I wanted this. I needed this. I needed her.

But more important than any of my desires was one thing. And that was Claire.

"Sweetie," I began, "Are you ready?"

She hesitated. As she thought, I ran my fingers from her shoulder across the top of her chest, just beneath her collarbone. I stroked her neck, finally resting my finger on her lower lip.

I saw that lip tremble just a little.

"You know, you make it really hard to think when you do that," she muttered. I could feel the exhalation of breath as she spoke.

I smiled. "So you find this distracting?"

I pressed my lips just below her ear, brushing kisses from the hollow there to the cleft in her chin.

"Yes. Very," she hissed. Not angrily.

"Give me an answer, Claire. Please." My voice was intense. I hoped it wouldn't scare her for one reason or another, that she would recognize it as merely charged with feeling.

Love. Desire.

"Go ahead," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

She sounded perfectly confident. I kissed her, exultant.

I would never, even if we lived ten hundred—the old joke—years together, get used to kissing her. I was sure my heart would never stop trying to leap out of my chest through my mouth.

Claire wasn't the first girl I'd ever kissed. I'd gotten to second base with Diane Meeker back in tenth grade. I was ashamed of that now, because it felt like a mockery of this.

This was so much more.

It was more because I loved her, and she loved me. It was more because this was just the beginning of our lives together. It was more because I knew that I would die for her.

In an instant.

Without even thinking about it.

I moved my hands from cradling her face to cup her breasts. They were tiny in my too-big grip, even though Claire was not a small woman. The softness of them fascinated me. Gently, I ran my fingers up and down, drawing the circle of the edge.

"Quil," she murmured, and I felt something like a shock run from my feet to my head. The way she said my name! I'd never heard her voice sound so deep, so full of feeling.

"Claire," I whispered in return, slowly moving my head to press a kiss against her forehead. I wasn't even sure why. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

"Quil," again, as though on the verge of tears. I shifted my right hand from over her breast to gently, gently glide just beneath her eye.

A single drop of moisture slid onto my finger. "Claire," I started, and then sighed, pulling her into a big bear hug, "If you want me to stop, you have to tell me, all right? Right away, too. Don't think I'll blame you, sweetheart."

She nodded, and then blushed. I could half-see the beautiful color flood her cheeks in the darkness. "Quil… the reason I'm saying your name is to remind myself it's you."

I stroked her face with my thumbs. "I'm sor-"

She cut me off. "Because I love you, and I want you, and I want to make you happy. But none of that changes the fact that this is literally my worst nightmare. The worst dreams are the ones where I can't see him, I just…"

She shuddered.

I reached above the bed and turned a light on. "Better?"

"Thanks, Quil. It helps if you talk, too."

"All right," I said. As I ran my hands down her stomach, pausing to explore the little valley between her breasts, the bump where her ribcage ended, the sensitive circle around her belly button, I whispered to her. It probably made no sense at all, but that wasn't the point.

The point was my voice.

"Claire, I love you, you know I love you, you are the most important thing in the world to me, and I want you so much, and I'd never hurt you, I never could, I- God, Claire, that feels good," as she mirrored my motion, tracing her tiny hands down the muscles of my stomach, the ridges in my chest- I'd never really cared about looks before I met Claire. I was handsome enough to get girls, and that was all I wanted. Though I knew Embry was taller than me and Jake better-looking… it never bugged me.

Now I thought, for the first time, that it mattered.

And yet Claire was looking at me the way I caught myself looking at her sometimes, like nothing more beautiful could be imagined, like her heart was in her gaze and she was giving it to me.

"Oh. That feels… very good," I continued, blathering near-nonsense as her hands continued down, lightly across the base of my stomach, brushing across my hips, unbuttoning and unzipping and removing my pants, gently. Her touch was gentle, almost hesitant, but it felt _so good. _My skin tingled wherever she made contact with it.

"You're not wearing underwear," she commented.

"No. Never do- got out of the habit when I was still shredding my clothes left and right, and never got back into it, and—Claire."

"Hmm?"

"Don't… stop. Please," I added hastily. I didn't want to give orders, didn't want to scare her.

I kissed her forehead again, softly, gently. As I hovered above her, supporting my own weight with my hands, I could see, with the new light, fear on her face.

Anticipation, desire, love—but fear most of all. The thought of that hurt me.

"And don't be afraid, darling. Please, please don't be scared of me, not now and not ever. I don't know how I could survive that of all things, knowing I'd done this wrong and terrified you, Claire. You are so much more important to me than any of this could ever be. You have to know that. You have to understand. I can't live with you afraid of me, because _I am not doing this to hurt you."_

She smiled, peacefully. "I know. I love you."

"I love you, Claire," I said again, because she wanted me to keep talking to her and it was truer than anything else I could say, especially at that moment.

I took a deep breath and carefully touched, with just one finger, the dark patch of hair between her legs. It was rougher there than the silky waves on her head, almost curly. My hand traveled further down.

"Stop," she said, quite clearly. She didn't sound afraid. I pulled away from her. "Don't do that, please."

"Of course," I agreed. I started to roll away.

"Where are you going? I didn't say this evening's activities were over. Just that I'd really rather we left out that one thing, all right?"

"Okay."

I decided I'd have to skip the interim step if it made her uncomfortable. I was very proud, of her that she'd recognized that limit before she was terrified, and also of myself, that I'd cultivated enough trust in her that she knew I'd do as she asked.

I moved back to Claire. Tenderly, I framed her soft face with my hands, and then I kissed her. I put more passion, more abandon, into the kiss than I'd ever allowed myself before. And she kissed me back.

God, she kissed me back. Her lips moved against mine firmly, her arms wound around my neck. I could feel every inch of her perfect, smooth skin against my body, as she pushed against me. I found myself drawing circles on the inside of her cheek with my tongue, exploring her mouth more boldly than I had before.

I felt her move, and for a second I thought I'd frightened her. Then I heard her moan softly. Her legs opened slightly, and the _smell…_

It hit me like a brick wall. I was suddenly very glad indeed of my werewolf senses. They allowed me to take in every bit of that sweet scent.

Beautiful, sensual proof that she wanted me. I kissed her deeper still, and she made a noise high in her throat.

It was time.

Carefully, more carefully than I'd ever moved before in my life, I shifted my hips down, until they were lying on top of hers, and slowly, more so than I would have thought myself capable of, pushed forward just a little and gasped.

My breath caught in my throat as I pushed my way inside of her.

It sounded so wrong, even just thinking it. Yet I had never felt anything this wonderful.

It was too much. I was losing myself, drowning in the pleasure, shaking already- no. I caught myself. If it had been anyone but Claire, I doubted it even would have been possible to stop… but it _was_ Claire, and so it was impossible to continue.

There were more important things than what I wanted. There was Claire, lying beneath me, _trusting _me completely for the very first time. I would not lose that trust. I would not mess this up. It would be special and wonderful and beautiful for _her, _and everything else could wait—forever, as far as I was concerned. Only one thing was important. Claire.

I loved her.

God, how I loved her! I was glad she'd wanted the light on. I could see her face, watch the rise and fall of her chest and shoulders as she breathed slowly, notice when she bit down just a little on her lower lip.

"Claire, what's wrong?" I demanded.

"It hurts… some," she admitted.

Mentally, I scanned through the information I'd copped from my brothers' memories. Though I had no experience of my own, I had innumerable first and second and thirtieth tries to draw from. Jake and Alia, Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, Paul and that random girl no one could remember the name of that Sam got so pissed about.

And I came to one conclusion. It was only supposed to hurt the first time.

I felt a tender bubble of hope rise in my chest. Maybe her suffering hadn't been as vast as I'd always thought. We'd never really discussed what he'd done to her in those years, those long nightmare years, and so it remained a shadow of a prayer that _maybe _he had never truly…

It wasn't for me. I didn't care at all about my own possessive claim on her, the fact that she was _my _imprint, _my _mate, _my _wife, and I should be her first and only.

The thought that there was a chance she might have been hurt even a little less filled me with delight. I had this wonderful new opportunity to create a first memory for her that wouldn't hurt at all. Maybe, she could remember all of this evening, every time I touched her, as something good.

And she had not been hurt as much.

That mattered most of all.

"I thought it only hurts if the girl's a virgin," I blurted, and then blushed.

She closed her eyes again, not from fear, or love, but with sorrow lined in every one of her perfect features. There was a release of all the tension in her jaw, like she was observing something very pitiful. Finally, she spoke. "Quil, you know I want this to be my first time. But it isn't. I'm sorry," she murmured, and I shook with rage.

Damn it! I had to control myself. I couldn't… not here… not now. Of all the times to lose control, Quil… but how could she? How _dare _she blame herself? We both knew perfectly well that it was entirely beyond her control. I looked down at her beautiful face, effectively stopping the tremors while I gazed into her eyes, full of tears. My rage disappeared. It was ridiculous, that she should… I had to comfort her. "Claire, sweetheart… God, don't… I don't care, sweetheart. Well, obviously I care, I care a lot, I'd do anything to make it never have happened… but only for you. Do you understand that? I don't care that… that I'm not your first. I only care because it hurts you. Claire, I love you. Do you honestly think I would hold it against you that…" I trailed off. I didn't want to kill the mood any further.

She smiled, shook her head. "All right. I… I should… of course not. You're too perfect." She laughed softly. "It's just that I feel like I should have made it clear before now. There's better times to discuss it than this… I talked to Emily after we got engaged, and she said if you abstain for some time, it can be a little painful. It's not bad."

"I know," I answered, but it was. Not the physical discomfort, I could already see that tension fading, but that she had—that this had been stolen from her, this wonderful thing.

It was a terrible crime, because this was so precious. _She _was so precious. If it had been anyone else, it would only have been hideously evil. But to hurt _Claire… _there weren't words, so imaginable was the horror of it. My whole being rebelled against the very thought.

I could tell, fortunately, that it was all right to continue. I pressed further forward, until my hips met hers.

I groaned softly. Nothing in the world. Nothing in the world could feel like this. The part of her body hidden beneath the sheets and my own legs was warm, even to me, and wet, like fresh rainwater, and _tiny, _so I could feel the friction around me, pushing in.

"Quil," Claire whispered.

"Love you," I said.

"Love you."

"Thank you."

"Welcome."

I felt her laugh beneath and around me, watched her shoulders shake against the pillow.

Gathering my courage, I pulled out and pushed in, softly, trying to stay in a steady rhythm so I wouldn't startle her. "Claire," I said. "Claire, sweetheart… You're so beautiful."

She jumped a little. When her eyes flashed open, they were full of a strange new emotion, something burning like a fire.

As I pushed forward for the third time, she grabbed my waist, cold hands leaving a flaming trail on my skin, and clung to me.

Her hands were planted there, so they too rubbed skin-on-skin as I made love to Claire.

I watched her face, and marveled again and again how beautiful she was. It was amazing. I thought people couldn't be perfect… until I met her. I thought there was no such thing as perfect happiness, until this very moment.

"Quil," she groaned, her voice low and husky, different than I'd ever heard it before. "That feels… Oh, _Quil._"

At that moment, I wanted, more than anything in the world, to hear her say my name again in that beautiful voice. I wanted to please her.

I got my wish, as she began to move underneath me, her arms and shoulders twisting, her body contracting around me, her voice soft and delicate, but still deep, as she whispered again, "Quil."

I watched-thank God for the light- as she threw her head back, revealing a long curve that replaced the short straight line of her neck. Her breasts rubbed against my chest.

"Oh, Claire," I whispered into her ear. "I love you. So much."

"Quil!"

I was certain the nice receptionist downstairs could hear her. Frankly, I didn't particularly care.

If I could make Claire scream like that, cry my name, if I could give her that much pleasure, I didn't care if the world ended.

Besides, it was a honeymoon suite. I'm sure we weren't the first people to have sex in it.

That aside… this was perfection. Claire trembled and shook around me. I slid my hands against the two curves behind the arch of her back and the semi-circle of her neck. I pressed kisses against her breasts, up and down, tasting sweat and sweetness on her skin.

"Quil," for the last time, calmer now, as she stopped shaking, as she stilled around me. "

I pulled out of her, but not away. Her body collapsed against my hands, and I held her.

"Quil, you didn't…" she said, softly.

Oh, my love. That she could think about me, about my useless physical desires, after this, after letting me do this for her? How I adore her. "I don't need to." Nothing could matter less in this moment, when she's trusted me with this, when she's content to lie in my arms, when she finally believes the truth, when she knows she's safe with me. I could always go, erm, "take a cold shower" when she was asleep.

"I want you to… I want to do this for you," she commanded, and I smiled.

"Anything you want."

It didn't take long for me to feel it. This emotion was somehow different than my phase, though the physical- a burning in the body, uncontrollable shaking, the strength of feeling exploding from the inside out- was very similar. It was motivated not by fury, but by joy. I supposed that was the difference- that and the fact that when I phased I couldn't see the little half-smile on Claire's face and her closed eyes, her expression one of perfect peace.

"Claire!" I said. Screamed, really, and her smile grew wide and satisfied.

"My Quil." She said it like she was laying a claim, and I nodded.

"Yes. Always. You know that. I am yours, Claire, and it's all I want to be."

"My Quil. I love you. 'M yours now, too. Forever."

I was staggered. It was like she'd reached into my mind and pulled out the words I wanted to hear, more than anything else. Like she knew exactly what I wanted. I tried to return the favor.

"My Claire," I couldn't say without a ridiculously wide grin, "My brave, brave angel, my love, my darling, my wife—I'm here for you. I'm yours, to take care of you and love you and whatever else you want. For the rest of my life, Claire, and after, I'm yours. Thank you so much for this, for everything you gave me today. I love you."

"I still like to hear that. Makes me smile every time."

"I love you I love you I love you I love you…"

I thought her smile would crack her face in half. She snuggled against my chest, and I held her close against me. Her back was covered in sweat, her eyes closed with the weight of this long full day (had it been just this morning we were married, and in a different country?) but that didn't matter. She was lovely like this. She was always lovely.

"Claire? Was that all right? Did I hurt you? Scare you?" I asked. Please, let me not have caused her any pain. She's been through enough. I can't bear to hurt her…

She nodded. "Don't worry, Quil… It was fantastic. Beautiful. I… I never would have thought… It was… surprisingly not scary, once I could see you, when I heard your voice. I knew you only wanted to make me happy. And you did."

I grinned. "Thanks!"

She wound her arms around my neck and let her head drop onto my shoulder. "I'm going to sleep, Quil. Okay?"

"That's fine. It's been a long day."

She smiled, nodded again, and let her head fall further back against my shoulder. I rolled off of her, lying on the bed beside her, her hair against my bare skin, my hands gently stroking her back and stomach and legs, her face perfectly serene.

Finally, finally, finally, she was mine, like I was hers, and she loved me and trusted me and had given herself to me.

My Claire, my love, my angel, my _wife.._. "I love you," I whispered in her ear, and in her sleep she twisted the golden ring on her finger and murmured my name one final time. I watched her lips curve into a smile and I closed my eyes.

REVIEW!


End file.
